Lessons Learned
by RC73
Summary: Teams grow together or grow apart. The last deployment & six months leave has changed everyone on Dalton's Special Ops Team. Will they be able to tear down the walls they built up or will the divide lead to dire circumstances? When one of them needs them the most will they be able to see beyond themselves or will it be too little too late? Jaz focused but lots of team fluff
1. Taking Leave

It had been a long six months in some respects and in others it went by in the blink of an eye. After the team was left devastated by Preach's injuries and uncertainty of his comatose state, they found themselves picking up the pieces. After a grueling 36 hours, the doctors decided to wean Preach off his ventilator. As McG advised the team, the sooner he was breathing on his own the better. Sometimes being on a vent for an extended period could be more detrimental to the healing process.

By the time his wife and daughters arrived in Turkey, Preach's breathing was assisted by only a nasal cannula. Besides a nasty concussion and lung damage, Preach's condition wasn't as severe as the team originally imagined. It would take several months to let his lungs heal properly and a bit of PT before he was released for duty, but it was already looking promising that he could return to the line of duty if he chose to.

After a few days of the team hovering over him at the hospital, he was flown back home to Bethesda where he would remain until he was released from the hospital. Amir, McG, Jaz, and Dalton were left to sift through the quonset hut and pack up whatever was still salvageable. It was a weird sensation for the four to finish a tour of duty in this manner. There was no last BBQ, with horseshoes and BSing around the fire. No shared lists of things they were going to accomplish while on leave. And no talking of plans to get together at some point just because. No, they all felt this goodbye in Turkey would be different. They could feel it in their bones.

The team packed up and headed to DC for their post-tour debriefing. It took 4 full days to run through all the details of the last year. There was the loss of Elijah, the near catastrophe in Afghanistan, Jaz's torture and recue in Tehran which also included the suspension of the Deputy Director, and because that wasn't enough they went over in excruciating detail ever moment of the Hoffman case. From the team sneaking him onto base, Patricia's flight over the Atlantic while keeping the DIA and her Special Ops team in the dark, and the moments that led to a bomb going off on a US base injuring and nearly killing part of their team. Luckily for Dalton the DIA didn't do a deep dive into the murder of Hoffman. They were satisfied that the man they killed nearly a decade ago was truly and actually dead.

By the end of the week the team was physically and emotionally exhausted. A lot of their actions over the last year were called into question. Did they have too long of a leash? Was the Deputy Director fit to lead such a group? Should the five of them be allowed to remain as a team on their next deployment or was it time to split them up? There was so much uncertainty going into this leave, that it left the team a bit rattled.

Amir thought he had finally found himself a home, working with a team instead of being undercover by himself. He enjoyed having others to lean on, instead of running through every scenario by himself. Maybe a few months off, home in Lebanon with his family would put everything into perspective. He had questioned Top on several of his decision throughout the year and after that debriefing he was left with more questions about his team than security.

McG couldn't wait to blow off some steam. Yes, the team made some risky decisions but they got the job done and were the most successful Special Ops team in rotation. He knew it and the DIA knew it. Sometimes being successful meant taking a few liberties. He knew eventually the higher ups would cool off and by the time the team returned to action all the dust would have settled. He just wanted to forget all the things that went wrong on this deployment by spending a little quality time in Vegas. His ticket was booked and he couldn't wait to hop on the plane to Nevada. Eventually he knew he'd end up back in Montana but not before he decompressed and shook off everything that weighed him down from this deployment. This was probably the hardest one he had been through.

Jaz felt defeated after this deployment. As soon as she thought things couldn't get harder they did. Losing her best friend created a hole in her heart that she was sure would never heal. Being a woman in the military she always had to prove herself and after losing Elijah the need to prove she wasn't weak was overwhelming. She needed to get the shot of Jarif and when Top scolded her in front of the team she couldn't help but try and prove she could handle any mission thrown at her. It was her decisions that put her team at risk trying to rescue her, and it was because of her that Hossein was dead. She also couldn't help but feel guilty for Preach's injuries as well. She admitted weakness; she told Captain Martin she was afraid of losing her guys and then she almost lost one. If only she was stronger, if only she would have been a better soldier, maybe, just maybe some of the sh*t that went down wouldn't have. She was determined to use this leave to better herself, not for her own sake but for her team.

Dalton knew every decision rested on his shoulders. He started to wonder if he was playing it a little too loose. Did he let emotions cloud his judgement? Did he rush the team back into action too soon after Elijah's death? He was so angry and hurt that he lost one of his team members that he wanted to seek revenge on all of the bad guys of the world. He not only hurt for his loss but for the fact that his inability to keep his team safe caused Jaz to lose her best friend. He also knew he shouldn't have gone back for Jaz but there was no way his heart would let him leave her behind? And when Patricia asked him to hid a wanted man on base, he didn't even think twice about it. It was his choices that put his team at risk and it was his choices that left them where they were today. He needed to clear his head and realign his thinking to the soldier he was trained to be. This leave wouldn't be so much of a leave as it would be a training ground to get his team back in order when they redeployed. He was going to make things better and he wasn't going to let the same mistakes happen twice.

The team that departed DC was not the same team that would reunite in Turkey. No six months can change a person. And when you've been through the sh*t storm this team has, it can change a lot. They were going to have to learn to depend on each other, not just physically, but also emotionally. The walls that were built on leave would have to be broken down, even if some weren't ready for it. If they wanted to be better than last year they had a few lessons to learn. And sometimes lessons come at a pretty steep cost.


	2. Returning Home

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews and follows. This is my first story and there are a few chapters of build up till we get to the main story. Hope you like it.

Chapter 2

Dalton took a deep breath before walking into the quonset hut. Normally the team met in DC and connected with the next military flight heading to Turkey. Just like the last deployment ended differently than normal, this one would start with each team member meeting in Turkey. Dalton had briefings in DC the week before deployment and he asked to head back to Turkey ahead of his team to make sure their little home away from home was ready for them. They hadn't been here since the explosion. He knew the building had been cleaned and repaired but he needed to see it for himself before everyone else arrived.

He walked inside and surveyed the building. If you hadn't seen the remnants of the explosion, you wouldn't have known anything life altering happened here. Nothing was out of place and the hut was ready for his team to arrive. As if Patton had known that Dalton was back on base, he waltzed right into the building and sat next to Dalton.

"Hey buddy. Looks like I do get a welcome party." Dalton spoke as he patted his head.

"Are you actually going to listen to me this year? It would go a long way if you would just respond to a command or two."

As Dalton was finishing the last of his sentence, Patton quickly stood up and ran out the door.

"Guess not." Dalton shrugged.

Dalton carried his bags to his bunk and unceremoniously dumped them on the ground. He let out a long sigh and raked his fingers through his beard. He started to wonder if he had what it took to bring this fractured team back together. It was obvious to him that this leave pulled them a part. Although he spoke with Preach often and even spent some time with him in California, he had not kept track of the rest of his team as well.

McG was hard to pin down. They had several great conversations about life and what they wanted their futures to look like. He could hear the desire in McG's voice to settle down a bit and not jump from one girl to another. But he could also tell McG used that lifestyle to deal with the scars being on a Special Ops team leaves you with. He wanted to travel out to Montana to spend a little time in nature with his medic but McG was hardly there. McG would head home for a week or so before taking off to the next exotic location. Dalton was pretty sure the only reason he kept traveling back to Montana was because his mother was pestering him. Although McG was a lady's man, he would always be a momma's boy first. Dalton appreciated that fact and smiled at the thought of him being chastised by his mother.

Amir chose to spend his time at home with his family. The only time he traveled state-side was to attend the team gathering at Preach's house. Amir's ability to analyze situations and dig to the root of the matter came to the forefront whenever the two would talk. Amir shared his concerns from this last deployment and wanted to know what the game plan would be to change things going forward. Every conversation left Dalton thinking and wanting to prove to his newest team member that they were going to be an even better unit this time around. Dalton loved the way Amir challenged him but he was also concerned that Amir focused too much on what needed to be different and not enough on what made them successful. Dalton hoped that Amir and him could get on the same page sooner rather than later.

Dalton let out another long sigh. As for Jaz, well he was left with a whole lot of questions and zero answers. He knew the bond between the two of them started to develop into something deeper after Elijah's death. Partially because he wanted to step in for the hole Elijah left behind and partially because Jaz was the best damn female soldier he had ever met. Her fire and spirit drove him crazy in both good and bad ways.

Dalton knew he needed to take a step back during their leave, he didn't want to cross any lines that they couldn't come back from. Maybe he stepped a little too far back? Jaz never initiated a texting conversation and she kept all her responses short and to the point. He only got her on the phone once and that was because he was with Preach and she knew it. He assumed she didn't want to hear it from Preach that she was ignoring her CO. Although Preach did confirm that she wasn't communicating much with him either.

He was disappointed when Jaz decided not to go to the team gathering at Preach's house a few months ago. The rest of the team managed to travel from around the world but she couldn't manage to travel across the country. It was Preach who received the text from her, she didn't even bother to respond to the group chat they had going. Dalton could see the sadness in the eyes of the guys when Preach shared the news. They all wanted a bit of that spitfire in their lives and the silence from her was deafening. Hopefully back in their home in Turkey, she would return to her normal self. Dalton knew the last year had been hard and maybe she just needed to step back during their time away from each other.

Dalton smiled at the thought of his team reuniting shortly. Even though his leave was fruitful, it always felt like home when his team was under the same roof. He was born to be a solider and he didn't find any greater joy than leading this Special Ops team. Dalton was thankful that Preach would be returning to his team for another tour or two, even if he wouldn't be joining them for another six weeks. He hadn't been cleared from his PT team yet but he was close and they had full confidence that in another six weeks he would be joining them in Turkey.

Dalton had spent much of his leave at the DIA. He was determined to have his team back together when it was time for redeployment. He was going to do whatever it took to make that happen. That meant he was taking classes and meeting all sorts of Directors to prove his ability to lead a team, and that this unique group was qualified to do so. In retrospect he could see it didn't take much convincing on his part. Their team's success rate was unparalleled by any other team. Yes, they took more risks, which sometimes cost them heavily, but they had done more for the US government and its citizens then what could be paid back to them. It was Dalton's team who took the risk and it was also his team that had to bear the weight of their losses and not anyone back in DC. He was also pleased that Patricia's actions didn't cost her everything she worked so hard to build. After a month off, she was back at the helm, calling all the shots.

Dalton leaned back and relaxed into his bunk. Yes, tomorrow everything would start to fall back into place. Amir and McG would be arriving earlier in the day and Jaz would join them that evening. When he had them all under the same roof, he could start putting the pieces of his team back together. This deployment was going to be different than any of his previous ones and he couldn't wait to hit the ground running.

"Welcome home Captain Dalton. Welcome home." He whispered to himself before falling into a deep sleep.


	3. Solitude

Jaz started to pack her bag for deployment. There really wasn't much to pack. A few new pairs of tennis shoes, tank tops, workout clothes, and a couple of every day outfits. Since she lived in her gear or a workout outfit most of the time, she had learned not to acquire much. After all what is the point of owning nice things if you could never wear them?

Jaz let out a sigh. She always loved deployment, that is where she lived, where her life made sense. Her guys were her family and leave was like an extended solo vacation with no one to share it with. But this time, this time she dreaded it. She hadn't kept in contact with them as much as she usually did. There were the texts and occasional phone calls but for the most part she avoided communicating with them. She made a last-minute excuse not to head to SoCal for their team get-together. She "forgot" she made a prior commitment to her neighbor, and she had to cat sit while he was out of town. Although she wasn't sure the team bought it, no one pressed her for an explanation. She just couldn't bear to look at their faces, to know that because of her shortcomings the team had suffered this last year.

Jaz had stayed in New York for all of three weeks before her mind screamed at her to get out. Nothing good ever came from her time in New York and although she was always proud to declare herself a New Yorker, she started to resent the place. She remembered where Elijah hid the key to his cabin in Washington. He had told her before the last deployment that he had executed in his will that the cabin was not to be sold for the next 20 years. He had created an account specifically to pay the property taxes and maintenance of the cabin for that period of time. He also told her his family and herself were the only people who would have access to stay there, so if something happened to him and she ever needed to feel close, then the mountains of the PNW would be there for her.

She had snorted and gave him a quick punch when he shared that with her. How dare he even think that he wouldn't be there to enjoy it himself for the next 20 years. She had even quipped back that he could enjoy her closet of a space in New York if she was to meet her demise first. How little did she know that he would be gone a few short months later.

A quick and awkward call to his family confirmed she would have the place to herself until deployment. Elijah was never close to his family but he tried to show his best that he loved them. They hardly ever returned the favor and resented him for not allowing them to sell the place they would never visit. Jaz knew Elijah had kept the place for her, he knew she would need it if the unthinkable ever happened, and it did.

After a long flight across the country, Jaz landed in Seattle and acquired a cab for the 45-minute drive out to North Bend. It was close enough to the city but still far enough removed to feel secluded from all the chaos the world had to offer. Elijah's cabin was a short way up the mountain, just outside the little town. A 20-min jog from his place and she was at the grocery store and a quick 30-40 min walk back depending on what she needed to stock up on. There wasn't a need for a car out here, especially since she didn't intend to wander too much into civilization.

Jaz built herself a routine pretty quickly. Every morning started with a run. Sometimes it was just a few miles, other times she would push the limits and see how far she could go. One time she almost made it 40 miles before her body decided that was enough. It was a game to her. How far could I push my body before it cried mercy? They say your mind gives out before your body does but she had trained her mind to be a steel trap and her body often paid the consequences for it.

After her run, she'd eat breakfast and do some chores around the house. She wanted to make sure Elijah's place didn't fall into ruins so she made a list of repairs and maintenance items to complete while she was there. She would then spend time weight training before hitting up the shooting range Elijah had built on the back of his property. He most definitely built that range for her since he wasn't even close to being as accomplished of a shooter as her. It made her smile to think of him taking the time to build her a small piece of happiness.

When she was finished at the range she would grab something small to eat for lunch then get ready for some agility training. If she was going to be a better soldier she needed to pour everything into becoming better physically. When agility training was done she would run any errands that needed to be accomplished that day. A quick snack for dinner and it was time for boxing or a hike, or to be honest, most days it was both. The fresh Pacific Northwest air always felt good in her lungs and her hikes led her to breathtaking views. The rest of the world had no idea what the Cascades had to offer. No wonder Elijah found so much peace here, it was like a small piece of heaven on earth.

By the time she returned home most nights it was dark out and she collapsed from exhaustion because of her day's activities. To her, the more tired her body felt the more accomplished her mind felt. She was becoming better every day, she was becoming stronger. She only had a few hours to sleep before the next day would beckon and she would push the limits once again.

It wasn't long after settling in Washington that Jaz found herself immersed in a new diet. She wanted cut out all the crap she had been consuming and eat a more clean diet. She landed on No Sugar No Grains or NSNG as the internet liked to abbreviate. It was pretty simple, she cut out all artificial sugar and most natural sugar as well as all grains. She ate mostly meats and high fat items like avocados, cheese, and nuts. Veggies were a staple and she didn't even miss potatoes or breads.

It didn't take long for her to see results as she leaned out and started feeling healthier. She felt good about the decisions she was making coupled with her heavy exercise regime. By the time she flew back to Turkey she was going to be the best version of Jaz that ever existed. Maybe she shouldn't have pushed herself too hard, maybe she shouldn't have cut her calorie intake too much, but if she wanted to accomplish her goals some sacrifices were going to be made.

Jaz tightened up her pack and threw her bag on her shoulder. After carefully locking up the cabin, she returned the key to its hidden location and attempted to burn the images of this place into her mind. She never wanted to forget what a haven this cabin was, especially when she's faced with the evil of this world.

"Thank 'Lijah." Jaz whispered and she stole one last glance at his place. "Thanks for bringing me a small sliver of joy."

Jaz turned and walked down to the main road to wait for her cab back to the airport. Tomorrow she had to jump back into reality whether or not she liked it. Tomorrow she would reunite with her guys and have to deal with the mixed bag of emotions that came with it. Hopefully she could prove to herself and to them that she was better than before and she could be more dependable, that she was worthy to be on this special operations team. Tomorrow the real test begins.


	4. Reunited

Authors Note: Wow, thank you all for such positive feedback! This has been my favorite chapter to write and I hope you like it too. The Brave fans are super awesome and your kindness has made this first story a joy to write. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Amir wandered into the quonset hut. It was unusually quiet, and unlike the first time he walked in here there weren't several sets of eyes sizing him up. He turned to drop his stuff off at his bunk when he heard Dalton coming around the corner.

"Amir, welcome back!" Dalton exclaimed and he headed towards the figure that just walked into the room.

"Top, good to see you again."

"Did you have a good time with your parents? Please tell me your mother taught you some new recipes to share with the gang."

"Actually, she did. When she heard what dreadful meals you guys subject me to, she was determined to ensure I didn't die from food poisoning. She likened it to friendly fire." Amir chuckled.

"Haha, very funny." Adam retorted "Go get settled in, I'm expecting McG to be here any moment."

As if on cue, McG busted through the door. "Honey, I'm home!" he shouted from the top of lungs as he flung his arms open wide.

Dalton rolled his eyes and Amir shook his head and he walked towards his bunk.

"What? You guys didn't miss me every moment of your leave?" McG feigned being hurt.

"Honestly, I'm going to miss being on leave every time I have to look at that pretty face of yours." Amir shot back with laughter.

"Well at least you think I'm pretty." McG quickly responded.

"Alright alright, you guys have the rest of the night to take jabs at each other. Get settled in and come help me get the BBQ ready for dinner. Jaz should be here in a few hours and I'm sure we'll all be starving by then." Dalton cut in and he shooed them into the living quarters.

"Yes Sir!" McG spit out as he busted into laughter.

"That's Captain to you." Dalton yelled as he walked towards the kitchen. It felt good to have them back and he couldn't help but smile as he rummaged through the fridge for the ingredients for tonight's dinner.

* * *

Jaz closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she stood outside their home in Turkey. She had just spent the last day traveling across the world, which included the long flight across the Atlantic on a military flight. Sometimes she couldn't handle being around that much testosterone. Well it was mainly the immature kind that made her want to punch them in the throat. She was glad she didn't have to listen to the comments and jeers about her being a female in the Army any longer. When she was with her guys, she was respected and an equal. That's what she loved most about this team. She wasn't a female soldier, she was a soldier who happened to be female.

She opened her eyes again and plastered a smile on her face. She could hear the guys joking inside and her fake smile started to soften into a real one. Man, she missed them. She walked inside ready for the onslaught of jokes and side comments that were sure to be hurled in her direction.

"Oh, look who finally decided to show up." McG teased with a grin when he saw her walk through the door.

"Well you know, someone had to come and make sure your sorry asses don't get shot." She quipped back with a gleam in her eye.

"How do we know you won't just decide to take us out yourself?" Amir retorted.

"McG adds value, you know, being a medic and all that. As for you, well you just might want to watch your six." She laughed as she walked past him to the bunks.

Amir shot McG and Top a mixed look of fear and amusement. Although they've come a long way since he joined the team, he was still slightly afraid of her abilities.

"Welcome home. And hello to you too!" Dalton shouted after her as she disappeared into the other room and he shook his head.

"Yeah, yeah." She sarcastically replied as she waved her hand over her head.

"You know we're starving." He yelled back. "So hurry up and put your things away so we can get this meal started."

"So impatient when it comes to food. Learn some self-control!" she bantered back as she unloaded her bags next to her bunk.

Part of her was hungry but part of her didn't want to throw away months of training by gorging out on her first night back. She sighed and sat on her bunk. She was going to need to calculate everything so she could stay in control. Jaz heard the commotion from the others move outside and knew she should get up and head out there to join them but she just needed another moment of solitude before she jumped back in.

Dalton was glad to have his sniper back. He missed her more than he realized while on leave. When she walked through the doors it was as if the missing piece of their home settled in. Even though Preach wasn't there, everything felt complete. She made the team complete. He thought she looked a little thinner than the last time he saw her but maybe he was imagining things. It had been six months and even if she was familiar to him, he still questioned what he saw. He pushed it to the back of his mind and forced himself to find joy in the fact that his team was finally home.

* * *

By the time Jaz made it outside, McG and Amir were already in the throes of a game of horseshoes and Top was taking is usual guard at the BBQ, grilling up the food. She plopped down on the bench and watched the scene unfold in front of her. Even though the sun was setting she basked in the familiar warmth Turkey had to offer. McG and Amir were arguing over who was going to pay up on whatever bet they made. She glanced at Dalton a few times. He seems to be studying them all and she was curious as to what exactly he was thinking. Right as she decided she would walk over to him and chat, Patton made his presence known and distracted Dalton. She turned her attention to the two men squabbling like children in front of her and let out a soft chuckle.

"You think this is funny Jaz? Amir owes me a Benjamin but he won't pay up."

"Hey, you lost at Preach's so now we're even."

McG rolled his eyes. "I already paid you for that one, remember at the bar?"

"You attempting to be my wingman and taking off with the girl is not payment." Amir deadpanned.

"It's not my fault I'm better with the ladies. I tried to help but she was more interested in me."

"Whatever, next time we're playing for double." Amir shook his head as he walked over to sit next to Jaz. "Could you at least get Jaz and I a beer before you come join us, or is that going to be too much?" He joked.

"Oh, I'm good." Jaz quickly interjected. She hadn't had a beer since her first night at Elijah's cabin and she didn't want to think about all the empty calories she'd have to burn off.

"Jaz. Not wanting a beer? What have you done to my teammate?" McG looked at her quizzically as he handed Amir one and attempted to pass one off to her as well.

"I just don't want one."

It was Amir who turned and looked at her after that last comment. He was searching her face, trying to read what was going on behind those brown eyes.

"Jazzy, it's our first night back. It's tradition. Plus, you've always been my drinking buddy. Why the sudden disinterest in your favorite beverage on the planet?" McG was starting to get annoyed. She hadn't necessary been the warmest person since she landed in Turkey and he was still hurt about her lack of communication during their leave.

"What's with the peer pressure." Jaz retorted back a little sharper than she intended.

That caught Dalton's attention and he decided to walk over to the trio to investigate what was going on.

"It's not peer pressure. It's a team gathering together on our first night back on deployment. Unless you forgot what being on a team means?" McG was getting irritated with their sniper and he could feel himself getting close to boiling over.

Jaz took a sharp intake of air. This was not how she wanted to start night one. This wasn't the right foot to get this deployment off on. Her steely eyes stared back at McG just daring him to spill the thoughts inside his brain.

As if he was reading her mind he spoke again harshly. "Oh, I'll go there."

"Tell me Jaz, why didn't you show up to our one gathering all leave long? Why didn't you call ever? Why were your texts so short and impersonal? I know you iced out the whole team. Did you just think you could hid out in New York and pretend we didn't exist? Didn't you think we might have needed you?" McG was fuming by this point.

Jaz was ready to lay into him but that last question was a knife into her heart. Didn't he know that all she did was think about them? She spent her whole leave making herself better so she could be there for them. She wanted to be ready for when they needed her.

She sighed a little and tried to speak gently instead of increasing her volume. "I wasn't in New York."

That was the final straw for McG. "You weren't in New York?" By this point he was yelling at her. "Well, if you weren't in New York then, where were you? Where could you possibly have gone that made communicating with us nearly impossible? Timbuktu? North Korea?"

"I was in Washington."

Dalton's face flashed a look of understanding. Elijah's cabin was in Washington, he had told Dalton about it many times before. He mentioned how beautiful it was out there and how it helped him escape his demons. Dalton knew he needed to end this argument before it took them off a cliff they couldn't come back from, but he was too late.

"Washington. Really? Washington? F*cking Washington? Because that is a deserted island with no cell service. Yeah, California is real far from there. What the heck is in Washington that made you forget about the rest of us? Are we really not that important to you? Did the Evergreen state take you captive?" McG's face was turning red now.

Jaz bolted up and got into McG's face. "I was at Elijah's cabin, okay. I was at his cabin and I just couldn't bear to leave." She screamed at him then she stormed off towards the quonset hut.

McG's face instantly registered regret. He took this too far, he completely forgot about the cabin. Of course, that's where she was. He was so busy feeling rejected by her, he never considered why she was reacting the way she was.

Dalton scrubbed his face. "Dinner's ready." He yelled after her in the most pleasant tone he could muster.

"I'm not hungry!" she yelled as she disappeared from sight.

He sighed and turned his attention back to the two men in front of him. Amir looked as if he just witnessed his parents getting into a blown-up argument and he could tell McG was feeling guilty for what just transpired. This definitely wasn't the way he imagined this night going down.

"All because of a stupid beer." McG's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Let's eat dinner before it gets cold." Dalton was going to do his best to salvage the team's spirit. He thought he'd give Jaz a little time to cool off before he went to talk to her.

Jaz was fuming as she walked inside. She was pissed off. At herself for being so selfish and at McG for being so infuriating. She wanted to clear her mind, so she laced up her sneakers and snuck out the back to go for a run. She didn't want to see her guys right now and she was sure it was a matter of time before Dalton would come to talk to her. She didn't want to hear it right now. All she wanted to hear was the pounding of her feet on the ground and the steady rhythm of her heartbeat as she clocked more miles on a run.

The conversation outside stayed pretty mellow as they were all trying to come down from the emotional explosion that just transpired. Dalton decided to excuse himself from the table and see if he could convince Jaz to come back out and join them. When he got inside he was greeted by an empty hut. He realized she probably went out to blow of some steam so he resigned himself to talking with her later. He rejoined McG and Amir outside under the stars.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone off like that. I didn't realize how frustrated I was with her." McG offer up apologetically.

"It's ok. We didn't know where she was and we all felt that distance over leave." Dalton attempted to reassure his medic. Although he must admit her distance had felt like the Grand Canyon. His heart ached for the familiarity and reassurance her presence always offered. He had been upset with her as well. If he was being honest, he felt hurt that she didn't confide in him, that she didn't tell him where she was. He would have understood. They all would have.

Amir spoke up for the first time in a long while "Tomorrow is a new day. We can start fresh there."

Dalton and McG both gave him a funny look before busting into laughter.

"What, you trying to turn into Preach now?" McG laughed.

"Someone needed to say it. It's true." Amir shrugged.

It was getting late and they had planned to run drills tomorrow to prepare for the first mission they'd be sent out on. They hadn't worked together as a team of four. This dynamic would be different than other four-man missions they had run in the past and Dalton wanted to make sure they were prepared for anything that might be thrown their way. The three of them walked inside and were surprised Jaz still hadn't returned by the time they retired to bed.

Jaz ran for 2 hours, almost clocking in 17 miles. She was happy she was keeping a consistent 7-minute pace. When she returned to the hut she was exhausted in every possible aspect. Jet lag from a trip halfway around the world, the intense argument with McG, and then spending the last of her energy on her run. She quietly entered their home and showered before she crawled into bed. She heard Dalton stir and could feel his eyes boring a hole into the back of her head, but she refused to roll over. She knew that's what he wanted so she pretended to sleep until it finally consumed her and took her under.

Dalton stared at Jaz in the darkness. He hasn't expected her to be gone so long. Something was up with her and he just couldn't quite place it. He felt an uneasiness churning in his stomach but tried to push it away. He didn't want to project anything on her. It was a long and intense day. Amir was right, tomorrow was a new day, things were going to get better. He let that thought carry him off to sleep.


	5. Finding Balance

Author's Note: Thanks for the all the reviews! The path of this story has changed a bit from what I originally thought it would go. It's going to be much more Jaz centric but there will still be sprinkles of the guy's stories in there as well. I think some of you can tell where this story is going but hold on cause it's going to be a bumpy ride. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Jaz woke up before the sun. Her body was tired and her stomach grumbled. She realized she didn't eat dinner last night after her argument with McG. She groaned internally. She shouldn't have snapped the way she did. She never thought about what her guys might have been feeling by her absence during leave. She had assumed they all had their lives going on and wouldn't notice her absence. She couldn't have been more wrong. She knew she needed to figure out a way to smooth things over. Instead of lying there with all the emotions rolling around in her head she decided to start her day off like she did every day of her leave.

Jaz quietly got out of bed and changed into her running clothes. She knew today was going to be full of training as a team but she wanted to get in her run first, she needed clear her mind so she could apologize to her team for the way she had been acting. By the time she started her run the sun was just starting to peak out. The colors were so beautifully contrasted against the drab landscape of Turkey. She got lost in the beauty of the sun rise that she didn't even realize how long she'd been running. Her watched beeped, alerting her she'd been running for 45 minutes. She mentally chastised herself. She only wanted to do a quick 3-mile run and she more than doubled that without even realizing it. She hoped she wouldn't pay for it later when she was with the guys. Luckily she wasn't that far from the quonset hut and she found herself wandering inside within 5 minutes. She was definitely in a better mood and she hoped the guys were as well.

Jaz walked into the kitchen to see Amir at the stove cooking up a lovely meal. McG and Top were bantering about something when she came into view.

"Morning guys."

Amir shot her a smile. "Well, good morning to you too. I was hoping we'd see your face soon."

The sincerity in his voice made Jaz softly smile.

"Honestly, I was a bit surprised to see you up and gone before the rest of us woke up. I'm used to you being the last one dragged out of bed." He added with a chuckle.

"Habit from leave I guess." Jaz shrugged. "I woke up every morning and went for a run, guess my body was just used to it."

Jaz turned to look at McG. She didn't know if her words would be enough but she needed to start somewhere. "Look, I'm really sorry about last night. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. And you're right, I was a bit of a jerk for giving you guys the cold shoulder." Jaz made eye contact with both Amir and Dalton. "I had a lot on my mind and I didn't think about what you all might need as well. I didn't think to tell you I was in Washington. It just felt like a break from everything and I was enjoying it, but it was wrong of me to not include you in my life. You're my team and I should have communicated more."

Dalton was surprised by her vulnerability. Her tough exterior was rarely broken and the fact that she apologized almost left him speechless. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Apology accepted."

Jaz turned to McG, it was him she wanted the forgiveness from the most. He looked back at her with admiration. He knew that was not an easy thing for her to do. She must have felt really bad to open up like that and apologize in front of the whole group.

"Aww, Jazzy." McG got up and enveloped her in a hug. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was feeling rejected and I'm not used to that feeling." He smiled and laughed a bit. "Do over?" he asked.

Jaz playfully shoved him away from her. "Okay, too much physical contact. Yes, do over. Only if you keep those hugs to yourself." She laughed.

"Alright, I can take a hint. We'll soften you up at some point. But first we need to add a little meat back onto those bones. Did you forget to eat while on leave?" he bantered back.

An unreadable flicker of emotion passed over her face. "Hey, I resent that." She was prepared for this moment so the words rolled off her tongue. "I changed my diet over leave, which caused me the thin out a bit, I guess. I may be lighter but I'm a lot stronger so watch out." She added the last bit with a hint of challenge.

"Well, let's start with breakfast. I whipped up a Halawa spread. It is a mix of tahini, sugar and halawa extract." Amir proudly displayed the meal he just made.

Jaz looked at him guiltily. She also prepared herself for this moment. "About that. I cut out grains and sugar from my diet. I'd go back to enjoying your amazing meals but I feel so much better…healthier, eating this way." She looked extremely apologetic and she hoped he understood.

McG and Dalton exchanged looks and then they studied the woman standing in front of them. A lot had changed in six months, and neither were sure they liked it. Amir nodded understandingly but he had suspicion of her motivations behind her words. He could almost read the sub-story behind her eyes but he didn't want to push anything. It had already been a tumultuous start to their deployment and it hadn't even been 24 hours yet.

Jaz could feel all 3 sets of eyes staring her down. "Hey, it's no big deal. I'll just make myself a couple eggs and grab some coffee." She tried to break the tension she felt rising by quickly walking over to the fridge. She could feel them all watching her as she started cooking the eggs on the stove but there was no way she was going to turn around and acknowledge them at this moment.

Amir had set out the spread he made and nodded for the guys to dig in. No one had broken the awkward silence yet and he wasn't going to be the first.

With his mouth full of food, McG decided to be the first to speak. "What are you going to do when we're on a mission and we only have our military issued meal replacement bars?" He wanted to see her wiggle her way out of this one.

Jaz sighed and turned around to face them. "I'm not an idiot. If that's the only thing around to eat, I'm going to eat it genius." She scoffed. "But when we're in the comforts of our own home, I'd like to stick with the way I've been eating. Any of you have a problem with that?" she asked pointedly as she stared them down.

No one wanted to be the one to get into a drag out argument with Jaz so they all shook their heads no. She joined them as soon as her eggs were done and they fell into easy small talk. The team swapped stories of their adventures on leave. Amir shared a hilarious story about a stare down with a goat who wouldn't let him pass by on a road he was walking on one day. McG told a few wild tales of his many exotic trips and the team all agreed they were going to need to reign him in. Jaz mentioned some of the beauty of the Pacific Northwest but decided to keep most of her memories from the cabin to herself, it was too intimate for her. Dalton reminisced about the time he spent with his sisters, nieces and nephew. He couldn't believe how fast they were growing up and how strange it was to see the older versions of themselves. They could all feel it, it felt good to reconnect as a team.

"Okay guys, we've chatted long enough. Go grab your gear and meet me at training ground three in 20 minutes. We've got a lot of drills to cover today." Dalton spoke as he stood up from the table.

The other 3 quickly cleaned up the kitchen and headed out to get ready. Whether they were prepared or not, deployment was here and they were just one call away from a mission.

* * *

Starting a deployment is like riding a bike for the first time in six months. It takes a few moments but then muscle memory takes over. The team started with some basic drills. They practiced clearing buildings, target practice, and setting up ambushes and counter-attacks. The team was doing well as a unit of four but they would all agree they wished Preach was already back in the game.

"Hey guys, lets a take a quick break before we run through the agility course." Dalton motioned for them to join him in the shade of a building.

Four hours of running drills ends up being exhausting work. McG slid his back down the side of the building until he was sitting on the ground. Amir quickly followed suit. Dalton was leaning against the building taking a moment to relax and close his eyes. Jaz walked up to the sad looking bunch and let out a laugh.

"Tough day at the office?"

Dalton barley opened his eyes to look at her. She was standing there, still in the sun, drinking some water and shaking her head at the three of them. Dalton turned his head to look at Amir and McG collapsed on the ground. Yeah, they did look pretty pathetic.

McG looked up at her. "How the hell are you not dying over here like us?"

"Maybe because instead of chasing girls around the world, I decided to put a little work in during leave."

"Hey, I put in some work during leave and I'm still feeling the effects of today." Dalton replied.

"Maybe she's super human" Amir joked.

"Or maybe I just worked hard and was prepared for this deployment unlike the three of you." She retorted.

"Ok Jazzy, you win. You and your silly diet and your daily runs, and whatever else you were doing. You win." McG spoke in a voice mixed with defeat and admiration.

Jaz let out a laugh. "You just can't stand to get beat by a girl."

"I've got an ego to protect. It's my duty to rescue the damsel in distress."

"Well, I'm not a damsel and you better believe I'm going to keep beating your sorry asses." She broke out into a big grin.

"Oh, there's that smile I've been missing. I knew my Jazzy was in there, hidden behind that tough soldier exterior."

McG's statement was met with a squirt of water from the bottle she was holding. Jaz couldn't help but laugh. She felt a surge of pride well up inside. This is why I worked so hard during leave she thought to herself. She had pushed herself past the limits she thought she had and it was obvious it was paying off. She decided right there that she wasn't going to stop. She was going to be everything this team needed her to be and more. She was their protector, their overwatch, and unlike last year she wasn't going to let them down.


	6. Mission Ready

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! It's probably gonna be a couple days until the next post. I'm gonna try and hurry to finish it up but I have a few commitments that will take up most of my time. Thanks and enjoy!

* * *

Over the next few days they continued to run drills. The days would always start the same, Jaz was up and gone before anyone else stirred. By the time she returned to the hut, Amir would have breakfast on the table. He always set out two eggs and cup of coffee for Jaz and made some type of gourmet breakfast for the rest of them. They would all head out to the training ground and complete their exercises before heading back to the hut for lunch and afternoon strategic planning. The team liked to have multiple scenarios mapped out so they were ready to go for whatever situation they ran into.

Jaz was starting to pick up so notoriety around the base. She was already admired for being one of the best snipers out there but that notoriety picked up as other servicemen would walk by the team training. She was kicking butt in everything she did. Dalton wasn't sure how it was possible but she managed to be an even better shot now than she was on their last deployment.

She understood what it meant to be part of a team so when it came down to the drills, she simply played her part. But Dalton took notice that even within the confines of her role she was executing on a level he hadn't seen from her before. She seemed to be laser focused on a mission that even he couldn't see.

Dalton was well aware of the talk on base. He would hear whispers of talk about his team and the badass chick on it. He would also hear them speak about how smoking hot she was. He didn't like it when he heard those conversations and even would interrupt them to put a stop to it. She wasn't a piece of meat, she was a soldier and a damn fine one at that. He didn't feel that he just had an obligation to protect her, but she was a part of his team and her value went far beyond her gender. She was the best person for her role and it was becoming more obvious every day.

He was slightly concerned she was going to run herself ragged though. Every day he tried to get her to slow down just a bit, not because he wanted to hold her back, but because he wanted her to play the long game. Deployment isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Dalton tried to talk to her about her morning runs and disappearing in the evening, going who knows where. He suspected she was working out somewhere but she had been mum on that point. Although he couldn't argue with her about the results, she couldn't afford to lose much more weight. Yes, losing a bit because of her lifestyle change would be a natural side effect, but Jaz didn't have any extra weight to lose so that concerned him.

He didn't know how to broach that topic anymore, each time it was met with a wall she put up. He was going to keep an eye on her, not just because she was a member of his team but more so because he truly cared for her. Although he knew as long as Jaz wasn't put herself or anyone else in danger, he really didn't have a leg to stand on.

* * *

Jaz walked into the quonset hut, returning from whatever workout adventure she just complete. Dalton was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork. There was always paperwork with the job. He caught her out of the corner of his eye. She was a ninja but he was waiting for her return so he kept an ear out for her.

"Jaz, we need to talk"

Jaz sighed. She was tired and just wanted to shower and take a nap. The team was going out tonight and she wasn't sure she'd have the energy if she didn't nap. Today she had felt more exhausted than normal, she must have run a bit too long or didn't get quite enough sleep last night. Either way, she didn't want to have whatever conversation Top had in mind.

"Yes, Top?" She turned to look at him clearly not amused.

"Sit down. Let's talk.

Jaz sighed and popped herself up onto the table. "And what are we talking about?"

"Jaz, you're a little bit crankier than usual."

She raised her eyebrows daring him to continue.

"Maybe if you ate a bit more, and exercised a little less, you would be a little more pleasant."

"Really Top? Maybe I'm cranky because I have to deal with all the nonsense. If I were a male, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Have you not seen me out there? I'm on top of my game. I have never been better than I am right now. I'm sorry that you think you need to fix something but there is nothing that needs to be fixed. I'm fine and all this time you're spending focusing on me instead of getting our team prepared is going to put our missions at risk."

"My job is to make sure _my_ team is ready any time duty calls. Yes, I know you are performing well in training but you need to slow down a bit. You can't keep this up for the entire deployment. I'm worried about you Jaz." He ended his sentence softly.

"Top. I'm fine." Jaz emphasized every word. "Did I not pass my physical?"

Dalton sighed. This was not going to go anywhere. "Yes, Jaz, you did."

"Ok. Then let's table the conversation." She stated as she got down off the table.

"Jaz." Dalton paused. "Just take care of yourself. We need you."

Jaz walked out of the room to take her shower. She didn't want to hash out that conversation anymore. Although, if she allowed herself to really think about it, deep down inside she could agree with Dalton on some level. She knew she had been pushing her training and cutting her calorie intake slightly. But she would never admit that to anyone not even herself.

Amir heard the tail end of their conversation. After Jaz walked out of the room he entered and walked straight to Dalton.

"What are you going to do about that?" nodding in Jaz's direction.

Dalton looked up from him computer and sighed. "I'm handling everything I need to handle. Last time I checked, I'm the commanding officer." He tried not to sound perturbed.

Amir and Dalton had come a long way since the last deployment but he knew Amir still questioned a lot of things. Sometimes he'd get so focused on solving the puzzle in front of him that he wouldn't look at the bigger picture.

"You know this could get really serious before you even know what happened."

"Amir. I know you're concerned. I'm monitoring the situation."

Amir wanted to say more but he knew he couldn't question Dalton further, he was his commanding officer. He knew this wouldn't be the end of this conversation. No, he knew it was going to come up again, he just hoped that the team wouldn't be in jeopardy when it did.

* * *

Life continued on in the same manner. Jaz got up every morning for her run, the team ate breakfast together, trained, strategized, and hung out as a unit in the evenings. Two weeks after arriving in Turkey they were called out on their first mission. They had a target to quietly kill in Armenia. Intel provided showed he was building a new terrorist network and he would be in Armenia for meetings. They needed to get in, take him out, and quietly slip out of the country.

Within an hour of the mission briefing they were wheels up. It didn't take long for them to set up the shot once they landed. Jaz had her eye on the target and executed like planned. A 438-meter shot and the target was down. Just as quickly as they arrived, they packed up and headed back to Turkey. It was one of the fastest missions they had. They were back in Turkey four hours after getting the call.

After that first mission, it felt like the SAT phone never stopped ringing. They were racking up successful missions faster than they ever had before. Most of them thanks to Jaz, she was clearing targets and executing her tasks faster than she had ever done before. She cleared paths for her guys to get in and out as quickly as possible. Whether on overwatch or as an undercover operative, she was performing her roles on an expert level.

The guys couldn't argue with her results. As long as she was successful on missions and not putting the team in harm's way, they didn't have anything to hold against her. She would still get concerned glances or random comments but for the most part they all dropped it. This new Jaz was the one they had and she was doing a killer job. She was even getting noticed in DC. Patricia was seeing results from her top Special Ops team that she had never seen before and after reading every debriefing she was able to see what a vital role Jaz was playing. Patricia knew this could lead to promotions later in the young sniper's career if she kept up the good work.

Jaz had never felt more accomplished in her life. Everything was going her way. She wanted to join the military to save innocent lives and every mission she went on filled her with a sense of purpose. She knew this is what she was meant to do. She was on her A game and her team was more successful because of it. Jaz knew she could protect her guys and the sense of fear she felt last year started to dissipate.

Seven weeks after their deployment, they were on a mission in Sudan. The team had to track an arms dealer and find out who his contacts were. It was a recon mission, so it was expected to be easy. The arms dealer was ambushed by one of his rivals and McG and Amir were caught in the middle. Since she was on overwatch it was her duty to provide them coverage to get out. Unfortunately for Jaz, right as the fire fight ensued she was overcome with a wave of dizziness and her vision blurred. It only took her a moment to shake it off and provide the cover her guys needed but that was all it took for a knot of fear to take hold in her stomach. She was too close to putting her guys in danger when they needed her the most.

On the flight home Jaz remained mostly quiet. She was replaying the scene in her mind over and over again. If she would have let them down she would have nobody to blame but herself. She knew she didn't eat all of her breakfast that morning and decided to skip lunch when they got the call. That combined with her morning run left little to no fuel in her tank. Jaz was smart and she knew she needed to play the game better. From now on she would eat more on mission days and counter act it with consuming a bit less on days off. She couldn't let herself be compromised on the field. It would just take one mistake for Dalton to bench her and she wasn't sure she could live with that.

Dalton noticed her eerily quietness on the flight back and he was studying her carefully. She seemed lost in her mind, not really paying attention to what was going on around her. He wasn't sure what was going on inside her brain. The team was unable to get the information they needed thanks to their target's rival, but the team made it out unscathed with their covers intact. It was actually thanks to Jaz that they were able to escape so easily. That left him even more perplexed as to what she was thinking. Jaz had saved the day again, it was something they were all getting used to. She should be smiling and celebrating but it was obvious something was bugging her.

He wished he could talk to her, get her to open up. He thought he was getting somewhere with her last deployment. She talked to him then, he felt a connection. These days she seemed more distant. She spent a lot of time training on her own and she was closed of emotionally. No one on the team could get her to talk about anything personal anymore. Dalton knew they had all built walls after last year but Jaz's seemed to be an impenetrable fortress and that drove him crazy. He wished she would let him in, or let anyone in for that matter.

The only time he saw the old Jaz peek out was after a particularly successful mission or when they went out as a team. She might not be drinking beer anymore but McG had managed to convince her to drink vodka when they went out. He spun some ridiculous story about how it was a clear liquid so she shouldn't have a problem with it, it was like drinking water. He wasn't sure if she bought his little story or if she just decided to go with it. Either way they all enjoyed her relaxing a bit and having a good time. He was always glad to see her genuine Jaz smile when they were out on the town together.

When they pulled up to the quonset hut, the team unloaded the gear and started talking about the plans for the evening. Whatever revere Jaz was in earlier seemed to have dissipated because she was in some sort of ridiculous argument with McG. Dalton laughed at the two of them. Sometimes they acted just like siblings. Dalton had told the team he would make steaks tonight and was surprised to see the joy in Jaz's eyes at the mention of the menu.

They walked inside to see a familiar figure sitting at the table. It didn't take long for everyone to drop their gear and rush to talk to Preach. They weren't the most sentimental people, being soldiers and all that, but rounds of hugs were going all around.

"If I would have known the welcoming committee would be this excited to see me, I would have returned weeks ago." Preach spoke with a laugh.

"Nah, were just excited to see a new face around here. I was getting tired of looking at these three every day." McG jabbed back.

"Glad to have you back. We missed your presence." Amir nodded with appreciation.

"We definitely needed you back. Amir was trying to take your spot as the giver of sage wisdom." Dalton quipped.

"Yeah and he sucked at it." Jaz added and she playfully punch Amir in the shoulder.

"Hey someone needed to take up the mantel in his absence." Amir retorted.

"You can resign your position, Amir. I'm here to stay." Preached grinned. "It's really good to see all of you. I can't wait to get back out on the field with you guys, although I hear you've been kicking butt without me." He teased and winked at Jaz.

Jaz shrugged and offered him a smile. "I was just trying to keep them alive till you could show up and show them how it's done."

"You did a good job. Let's just hope I can live up to all the hype this team has been getting the last several weeks."

"Don't worry, we'll get you up to speed quickly. But before we do let's get dinner going, we're starving." Dalton added as he started to pull out the food for dinner.

McG, Amir, and Jaz walked back to the cage to unload the gear, leaving Dalton and Preach in the kitchen to catch up. Preach was eyeing Jaz as she followed the other two towards the back.

"What's with our girl? She's looking a little thinner than the last time I saw her."

"That's a tough subject to broach. I wish I had some answers for you. Hell, I wish I had some answers for myself." Dalton softly replied as he looked towards her figure fading in the background.

"Hmmmm." Preach responded studying the sniper as she disappeared from sight. He would get to the bottom of this. He had a way of pulling information out of her. It required a certain finesse, one he had mastered.

He was positive he didn't return a moment too soon and now he was certain he made the right decision by returning to the line of duty. His team needed him and he was going to help put the pieces of his team back together.


	7. Words of the Wise

Author's Note: The next two chapters are going to be slightly smaller. I ended up writing one really long chapter but decided it was best broken into two parts. We finally have our Preach back! Once again, thanks for all your kind comments, it fires my writing. I appreciate you all so much!

* * *

Preach sat at the kitchen table sipping on a mug of coffee. He expected Jaz to walk into the room any minute. After dinner last night Jaz had disappeared. It was then the rest of the team filled Preach in on the details of their sniper. Her routine was predictable and even though she wasn't informing the team of her whereabouts, they all knew where and what she was doing.

He knew that the best chance to talk to her was when the others were not around. He also knew that he would take her by surprise when she saw him sitting there. And just like he predicted her face registered shock when she entered the room.

He looked at her casually. "What are you doing up Jaz?"

"I could ask you the same."

"I'm still on west coast time. It's the middle of the afternoon back home. What's your reasoning?" he prodded.

"I like to go for a run before the day begins."

"I didn't picture you for a morning runner. The Jaz I knew had to be pulled out of bed every morning." He raised his eyebrows a bit.

"People change."

"Not all change is good."

"And not all change is bad either. If the guys put you up to this…" she trailed off as her tone rose.

"No one put me up to anything Yaz. I told you, I'm awake because of the time difference. Should I be concerned why you think the others would want me to talk to you?"

Jaz was clearly frustrated. "No." she sighed angerly. "I need to go get this run in, I'll see you at breakfast." She quickly exited the building.

Preached watched her leave, taking in her body language and she closed the door behind her. He knew it took everything in her not to slam the door when she left. He suspected the restrain came from the fact she didn't want to wake up the team.

Preach knew he got under her skin and that's exactly what he wanted. You cannot corner a scared cat, they will attack with their claws out. No, you must coax them out slowly and gently until they come to you. He was going to play the long game, it would be the only thing to work with her. He just hoped her stubbornness wouldn't interfere. He knew time wouldn't always be on his side in the long game, he needed her to open up sooner rather than later.

A short while later Amir entered the kitchen. He smiled at Preach as he started pulling out ingredients for breakfast.

"You do this every day?"

"Yes, I like starting the day off with a hearty breakfast and not any of the concoctions the rest of the team calls food. Plus, it's something simple I can do for the team."

"Mmhmmm. And I'm sure the rest of team likes the fact that they never have to make breakfast anymore."

"I'm not sure the team would function normally without my breakfast."

"Oh, they'd function alright, but maybe not in the way you'd prefer?" Preach inquired.

Amir sighed. He was great at analyzing the puzzles in front of him but Preach had a way of extrapolating the data and seeing beyond the lines. He knew there wasn't getting anything past that man so he decided to change the subject.

"What are you going to do about Jaz?"

"Why are you concerned with everyone's relationship with Jaz?"

"I'm concerned that no one else seems to be concerned about the situation."

"And what situation is that?" Preach kept pushing Amir to say what he was really feeling underneath.

"The fact that she hardly eats and spends too much time exercising. She can put the team and herself at risk. What happens if we're on a mission and she can't complete her duties?" Amir showed his frustration.

"Has she shown an inability to do her job?"

"No, but that doesn't mean it won't happen."

"So, you're concerned about the possibility of something going wrong?"

"Yes."

"You know in our line of work there is always the possibility of something going wrong, right?"

"Obviously, but you should always be minimizing the variables. Why add in an extra risk factor when everything we do is dangerous already?"

"You can't control everything on the mission field, Amir. This is different than having a long-term undercover job. While you were in the terrorist cells you got to play a chess game, long and drawn out. What we do as a team, Special Ops, we have to make decisions on the fly. We are the last chance to solve the situation. That means the plan is fluid and things change quickly, you cannot control much in those situations. Everything is a variable and you need to use that to your advantage. I think the way you're feeling is more than just about Jaz. What we do here is different than anything you've done before and you don't always get to make every puzzle piece fit perfectly. It's ok to let go."

Just as Preach finished Dalton and McG entered the room. Amir was still taking in the words Preach had just said. Was he right? Were the concerns he'd had about Jaz and the team stemming from his own fear of not having control? He was going to have to mull that over some more. He was thankful Preach had return, his perspective always made Amir think and he liked that, it challenged him.

Preach smiled as he watched the wheels turning inside Amir's head. There was a lot this team needed to fix and he was glad he could help show them the light. This team was his second family and he was grateful that wasn't stripped from him. He spent most of his rehab being thankful for his life and everyone who meant something to him. He wanted more opportunities to impact their lives. There was so much meddling he still needed to do and he was going to make sure he completed his missions. He glanced up at Top and smiled again. Once they got their sniper back to herself he was going to start working on Top, he had plans for those stubborn souls.

* * *

The team easily fell back into their routines as a team of five. Preach's addition made every mission smoother. It was crazy what a difference an extra body meant. As a team of five they were stronger and executed on an even higher level. It became known through the intelligence community that if you needed something solved, you wanted Patricia's Special Ops Team 7 on the job.

Preach was busy getting into the minds of his teammates. It didn't take long to realize communication was a real problem right now. The fractures that last year left had turned into crevices and if the team didn't start sharing more with each other, it would turn to canyons between them. He had several great conversations with McG. McG had felt guilty for not being there when Preach got hurt. His job was to be the team medic and he felt like he failed Preach. Preach had reassured him that he was where he was supposed to be, out in the field, not back at base where there was an entire medical team which was on the scene moments after the explosion happened.

He had advised McG to stop running into the arms of various girls and to turn to his team instead. Maybe if he opened up to them a bit more the rest of his team might follow suit. Preach knew when Jaz was ready, she was going to need McG.

Preach continued his cryptic sayings every time he and Jaz were alone. He knew her brain was trying to decide what to do with the thoughts he stirred up. He took notice of the fact her meals were slightly larger on mission days. Dalton even made a remake to Preach on the change his presence was instilling in her. Maybe she would finally open up to them soon.


	8. Her Guys

Author's note: And we've reached the tipping point. I might have teared up a bit at I wrote the last paragraph. This one was a hard one to write, but I wanted to get the mindset right. Let me know your thoughts! And thanks for following along with this story. You guys are incredible!

* * *

Jaz was cleaning her rifles in the cage. The team was off doing various activities in their downtime and even though she wanted to spend some time working the punching bag, she was feeling run down and thought she could clean her guns instead. Maybe she'd have a bit more energy later and could head out on a hike before dinner. Without looking up she noticed Preach's presence.

"Hello Preach."

He smiled. Her awareness of her surroundings made her the incredible sniper she was. "I'm surprise to find you here."

"Can't make those shots if the guns aren't clean."

"Yes, we all know how important a clean gun is. I just thought you might be out enjoying this beautiful day."

She looked up at him. "I might enjoy it later but this is also relaxing."

He noticed how tired she looked. Not just physically tired, but he could see the emotional weariness creeping over her face even if she was trying to hide it.

"Anything interesting going on in that brain of yours you'd like to share?" He smiled softly.

"Nope. The relaxing part of cleaning my guns is I don't have to think about anything."

Her guns were an extension of her and the act of cleaning them was pure muscle memory. It was like breathing, she didn't have to think about anything, she was just there. Preach continued to watch her work. He enjoyed seeing her in her element. Not a care in the world, just taking care of business.

"Did you have something on your mind Preach?" She glanced up at him again.

"Not really. I enjoy spending time with you guys. I missed you a lot during leave and the first part of deployment. You're my family."

She stopped cleaning and looked up at him, giving him her full attention. "We missed you too."

He took that moment to try and speak to her heart. "It was hard not hearing from you. I know the rest of the team struggled too. We love our Jaz. We're all a family. McG, Amir and Top have been deployed with you the last several months and even if you've physically been in the same place, I bet if you asked them they'd tell you that they still miss you."

Jaz sighed. It was a soft sigh, one that signified understanding, so he continued.

"I'm not sure what's been going on with you Yaz. But this team needs you. They need _you_. They don't need the kick ass sniper that is racking up hits faster than anyone can count. They've been hurting, struggling, they need their Jaz who cracks jokes and lightens their spirits. They need the Jaz that keeps them on their toes. I know you have your new exercise regime, but maybe not for your sake but for theirs, you ease up a bit? Spend more time with them, let them back into your life."

He could see the tears threatening to spill over. He wanted to push her a bit but knew if he pushed much further she would close off instead of listening to what he was saying.

"I love you Jaz. We all do. Maybe think about letting us in a bit more?" He finished then got up and walked out of the cage. He was going to let her make the next move.

"Thanks Preach." It was barley a whisper. It was just enough for Preach to hear and he smiled as he walked away. Maybe the tide would finally start changing.

* * *

Over the next several weeks Jaz made efforts to show her team how much she cared for them. Everything she was doing to prepare for the battlefield was for them, but maybe she could show them her intentions more off the field. She formulated a game plan to invest more in each of her guys.

It started out simply enough. One morning she decided to help Amir with breakfast. He was surprised to see Jaz waiting in the kitchen for him when he got up.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be off on your run?"

Jaz shrugged. "I thought I could help you with breakfast. Maybe you could teach me some of your skills?"

Amir was impressed with her desire to spend time with him over going on her run. He showed her some of the basics of making a good meal. They were laughing at her inability to gently stir the batter when Dalton and McG walked in the room.

"I thought I heard laughing in here." Dalton said slightly stunned. He couldn't believe his eyes, there Amir and Jaz were standing in the kitchen together, making breakfast. Preach entered the room and smiled at the view in front of him.

"Jaz doesn't understand the words gentle." Amir teased.

"You're just now figuring that one out." McG chided.

"Hey! I resent that!"

"You mean resemble that." McG choked out as he ducked away from the punch he knew was heading his way.

Jaz turned and glared at him. She could only hold it a moment before she burst into laughter.

That was the first moment the team felt whole since the explosion last year.

Jaz made sure to spend one on one time with each of her guys. She'd ask McG to go to the range with her where she would whip his butt every time. He feigned shock at being defeated but honestly, he didn't care about losing to her, he was enjoying having her back a little more. She would go on jogs with Preach, they ran in silence but the presence of each other was nice, calming actually. He would spout words of wisdom when they took rest breaks and she would tease him for speaking in code instead of plain English. It took her a little longer to figure out how to show Dalton she was there. Their relationship was complicated and she was worried about crossing boundaries.

One day she decided to plop into the recliner next to him while he was working on paperwork. He looked over at her slightly perplexed.

"What are you up to Jaz." He asked tentatively.

"Nothing much. Just thought I'd get a bit of reading in. Do you mind?" She glanced up from her book.

"Not at all." He smiled at her and returned to his work.

After a few minutes he broke the silence. "You don't have a run to go on or some weights to lift?"

"Nope. Just have a book to read." She smiled at him.

"Okay then." He softly smiled as he turned his attention to the mound of paperwork in front of him. Her presence was comforting and although he wouldn't admit it, he was glad to have her there sitting just a few feet away.

Preach walked into the room and studied the two of them silently sitting there. Jaz did take his words of advice and he was impressed with the way she stepped up to the plate. She was investing in each of them individual and he knew it was easing some of the tension that had been building up over the last several months.

* * *

Jaz didn't realize how much she missed just being with her guys. She was thankful she could still incorporate a bit of training in while spending quality time with them but she knew she wouldn't get in enough training if she kept this up. She needed to figure out a way to make the hours last longer. Since she couldn't make the sun stand still she decided to do the next best thing.

Jaz started getting up in the middle of the night and going for her daily run. Depending on how much she decided to run that night, she'd either crawl back into bed for another hour or so of sleep or she'd have enough time to fit in some weight training or agility training before sneaking back into bed. Boxing would have to wait for the day because she didn't want to risk waking the guys up. She was thankful she was a ninja because no one ever noticed her slipping out and back in every night.

The balancing act made her even more exhausted during the day but she knew she needed to push through. They were trained on sleep deprivation exercises so she used that mental fortitude to keep going. With her new schedule she lost track of when she was actually eating. If the meals weren't consumed as a team, she wasn't eating it. She could feel her body struggling to keep up, she felt she was fraying at the seams but she refused to give in. She had to remain in control. She would sometimes use her time with Dalton to nap and when that wasn't possible she would find creative ways to get a nap in. Every action had a counter action so she could keep it all together.

She was still succeeding on missions and she started to feel the pressure to perform even more because of the praise she was receiving from DC. It felt like there were too many people to let down and she couldn't let that happen. Somehow her mind became a field of lies and half-truths and excuses to herself to keep up this show. She wasn't sure she could do it much longer but she wasn't ready to admit weakness. Maybe she could figure out a way to crawl out of this hole. Maybe she could fix everything before it went haywire. Maybe she could figure out how to be alright again. Because she was sure she couldn't keep living like this. And maybe if she couldn't fix it, it should all just end. Maybe.


	9. Crumbling Façade

Authors Note: Wow, you guys are freaking awesome! Thank you for all your reviews, it makes my heart oh so happy. Things will start to get a bit more intense from here for just a bit. Enjoy!

Throwing out a disclaimer ****Trigger warning**Strong talk of eating disorders**** If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, please seek help. There is hope and a way out.

* * *

"Team meeting. NOW!" Amir yelled at his unit from the doorway.

Preach and McG were outside the quonset hut. Preach on the phone to his family and McG was busy lifting weights. Dalton was inside working at his desk. He looked up, shocked to hear the anger in Amir's voice. He looked at him concerned but got up to walk to the kitchen table. Whatever Amir wanted to talk about was clearly important. As Preach and McG entered the room, Amir motioned for all the men to sit down.

"Where's Jaz?" Dalton inquired.

"Oh, you didn't notice her sneak out the back just a few minutes ago?" Amir retorted, clearly upset.

"She's a ninja. She's the master at sneaking." Dalton made the obvious point.

Whatever was on Amir's mind was enough to keep Preach and McG quiet. They both thought it would be best not to speak until spoken to, so they took the silent approach.

"Well, maybe it's time we start paying attention. I don't want to hear anymore _'Stop worrying about the missions. Let Jaz come to us.'_ I've had enough and you guys are going to listen."

Preach sat up straight. Amir's stone-cold seriousness was enough for him to show his respect.

"This isn't me worrying about Jaz putting the team in jeopardy. This isn't about me putting missions first in front of the team. Have you guys seriously not been paying attention? Can you not see her fading in front of your eyes?" Amir sat down at the end of that sentence, his voice was softer, full of concern.

"I'm worried about her. I'm worried about _our_ Jaz. There is obviously a war going on inside her head and we've been too busy ignoring it, instead of helping her work through it. She's been trying to give us everything and hasn't asked for a single thing in return. She's gone out of her way to show each of us that she cares for us while she's been fighting these demons inside."

All three guys looked back at him with guilt in their eyes.

"Preach, she's been going on runs with you, probably much slower than her usual pace because she wants to show you she's listening to you. McG, she takes you to the range every day, even though we both know she enjoys shooting by herself so she can concentrate on every movement. And Top, do you really think Jaz wants to spend an hour every day just sitting in here reading while you work? She's been doing all of that for us."

Dalton lowered his head. It was hard to hear the truth, especially since it was easier, cleaner, to ignore it. Admitting the truth about what was going on with Jaz would be messy and could lead to her being off his team. He didn't want to go there so he just kept on pretending it wasn't happening.

"And I honestly can't be the only one who knows she's been sneaking out. Every. Single. Night."

McG swallowed hard at that comment. He knew that was directed at him. He'd woken up on more than one occasion to her empty bunk.

"She's not sleeping, she's barely eating, and she's exercising like she's about to be on the hunger games."

McG quirked his lip at the last comment. That was a bit of an ironic pun, even if it wasn't meant that way. Amir did not miss the expression on his face.

"This is not the time to draw parallels McG." Amir looked him square in the eyes.

"She's turning into a zombie in front of our eyes and if we don't do something now, it's going to be too late." Amir's voice dropped a bit and there was a hit of sadness in it.

He looked down at the table, unable to look the other three in the eyes.

"My sister's best friend died while she was in high school. She took my sister's death pretty hard. She developed Anorexia and by the time her parents clued in and got her treatment, it was too late. She was a small thread of my sister's life that I still had. Watching her continue to live was like watching my little sister grow up."

Amir looked up with tears brimming in his eyes. He had never been this vulnerable with his team.

"Watching her battle the disease for several years was heartbreaking. Even if she wanted to get better, she couldn't, she was stuck in the vicious cycle Anorexia throws you into. She disappeared in front of our eyes. One day she was there and suddenly she was gone."

He saw the fear in the guys' eyes as they made the realization that Jaz wasn't just struggling with anything but she was seriously sick and they could lose her.

"I love Jaz too much to let that happen to her and I know you guys do too. We have to do something now. We have to get her the help she needs. If we don't, we won't have Jaz in our lives anymore. It's not going to be a stray bullet that kills her, it's going to be her own body." Amir finished with a plea in his voice.

He needed the team to finally see what he has seen since she walked through the door on day one. He saw the monster in the shadows trying to steal her away from them.

* * *

Jaz quietly left out the back door. They had gotten back from a mission late the night before. It was one of those missions that sticks to you. They got called to Sweden. A school bus of elementary school kids was being held hostage by an extremist group. It was a tense rescue mission but thankfully they were able to get all the children to safety, completely unharmed.

Jaz hated missions that involved small children. It brought a sense of fear to her that she couldn't squelch. Those were the missions that got into her head and made her think about all the other possibilities. What if she missed her shot? What if she pulled the trigger a moment too late and a child died? The what ifs always bounced around in her mind, playing like a broken record. She hated living in the land of what ifs.

The team was still decompressing so she decided to clear her mind by jogging up the hiking trail. It took everything in her to keep pushing herself forward. Her legs felt like lead, and her head was thick with fog. The last four months in Turkey hadn't been the easiest and it was all starting to wear on her. If she could just get through the day, she could focus on the rest of deployment later. Today was all she needed to accomplish.

As Jaz neared the top of the mountain, she felt a wave of dizziness that she tried to push down. Her vision blurred and her thoughts felt sticky. She felt like she was wading through mud. The next thing she remembered was waking up to a mouthful of dirt and a pounding in her head. She laid on the ground as she took everything in. Her years of training taught her to do a quick self-assessment. Everything seemed to check out and she came to the conclusion she must have passed out.

She felt a burning sensation on the right side of her face. She sat up to assess the damage. It was then that she realized her right arm was covered in road rash from her shoulder down to her hand. The rocky trail had eaten up her skin when she hit the ground. She touched her right temple and cheekbone, yep road rash as well. She sighed, there was no way she was going to be able to hide this from the guys. She figured she could probably sneak back into the hut, shower and clean up before she spoke to them. Maybe it wouldn't look so bad after she tended to the wounds a bit.

Jaz started weaving the tale she'd tell them in her mind. She was looking out at the view and didn't see the loose rocks that had tumbled onto the trail. She missed stepped and fell before she could catch herself. It was just a little road rash and she'd be fine. She wasn't going to tell them about the spitting headache or the real reason she got into a fight with the gravel. No, she was going to be real careful about what she said.

Jaz tentatively walked back down the trail. Every step sent shockwaves through her body and it made her well aware of every ache and cut. She felt the blood slowly dripping down her face and her arm. If she could just get a look at the damage things would be a lot easier. All she wanted was a shower and her bed. Her pounding head reminding her that her only relief would be sleep. It didn't matter that it was still early in the afternoon, some days you just have to say f*ck it and know when you've lost the battle. Today was one of those days. It was time for it to be over.

As Jaz got closer to the hut she let down her long hair, letting it cover the right side of her face and upper arm. If she ran into one of the guys before she made her way into the bathroom, hopefully they wouldn't see anything.

She realized it was eerily quiet outside their home for this time of day. She expected to hear McG and Amir smack talking about something and Preach talking with his family, but instead she heard nothing. Before she could assess the situation, Patton came bounding towards her barking. Well shit, wherever the team was they were going to know she's here. Her only hope was that they were all in the front of the building and that she could still sneak in the back door.

She quietly opened the door to silence. Something didn't feel right and her senses picked up. She started walking past the bunks to the bathroom when she heard Top call her name.

"Jaz, can you come to the kitchen please." His voice sounded firm. It was definitely a command.

She knew she couldn't ignore him, he had to have heard her come in. Plus, Patton had alerted him to her arrival.

"I just need to hop in the shower and then I'll right there." She knew better than to question her commanding officer but she freaked out in the moment.

"No Jaz, you can shower later. I need you in the kitchen now." He sounded more authoritative. "That is an order."

She sighed. This was not going to go down okay. She hadn't even seen the damage to her face yet and Top would get a look at it first. She quickly grabbed her jacket and threw it on. He may see her face but he was not going to see her arm. She walked slowly from the bunks towards the kitchen, attempting to delay the inevitable. She kept her eyes on the ground as long as could before she looked up.

What she didn't expect was to see her entire team staring back at her. Each of them holding a serious gaze. Shit, things just got real and all Jaz wanted was for the ground to swallow her whole. What did she just walk into?

"What the hell happened to you?" Dalton's voice rose in anger.

She wanted to attempt a half smile but all she felt was guilt and she knew it registered on her face. She was stuck, frozen in space.

"I asked you a question."

Jaz just stood there blinking. She didn't know what her next move was.


	10. Intervention

Author's note: You are all so kind. And to answer a question there might be some light Jalton later, someone's gotta help her through this right? Have a great day and enjoy!

* * *

The guys had sat around the kitchen table discussing what the next move with Jaz would be. After Amir's stern lecture, they all agreed that something needed to be done. They all had their own opinions on what would be best for the sniper. Amir thought she should go to an inpatient treatment facility and McG thought he could help her work through her problems, he had studied eating disorders in college and thought he would be able to handle it. The team ended up settling in the middle, knowing that Jaz wouldn't do as well without her team. They were her family.

Just as they had ironed out the last of their plans they heard Patton barking. Dalton smiled at the fact that he had alerted the team of her arrival. A nervous energy fell over the group as they waited for her to enter the building. They had decided Top would do the talking but they were understandably nervous about how Jaz would react. They could tell she was attempting to slip into the building unnoticed. What they weren't expecting was the way she entered the room.

Jaz appeared small and frail. She wasn't walking into the room with the confidence that she usual does. No, her head was hung low and she was studying the ground as she slowly walked towards them. It wasn't until she looked up that they realized why.

She looked horrible. There was dirt and blood caked onto the right side of her face. She looked exhausted and her eyes were dull, as if the light had been extinguished out of them. She had dark circles under her eyes and her skin lacked the life it normally radiated. How had they not noticed before?

Jaz didn't respond to Dalton's question immediately and even seemed at a loss for words when he spoke for the second time. After a few seconds she was able to gather her words.

"I… uhhh… fell when I was running up the hiking trail. It's not that big of a deal." She mustered.

"Not that big of a deal? Have you seen your face?" Dalton narrowed his eyes at her.

"Actually no. I was planning on cleaning up but you called me in here first." She replied irritated.

Whatever this was, she knew it wasn't mission related. There wasn't a hint of gear in sight and Dalton's laptop was closed on his desk in the background. That made her feel even more unsettled. She didn't want to deal with her team today, it had been crappy enough already. Dalton motioned for her to take a seat so she begrudgingly complied.

"We have some things to talk about and we're all going to sit here at the table until we have this hashed out." Dalton looked her square in the eyes. This was a command from her CO and there wouldn't be any wiggle room.

"We are more than just a team, we are a family. And as a family we have the obligation to step in and take care of one another. Jaz, you have not been taking care of yourself and it has become our duty to step in." His voice was firm.

Jaz opened her mouth to speak.

"Ah." Dalton silenced her before she could get a word out.

"I don't know what's been going on inside your head but you need help. Jaz, you barely eat, you're exercising to the extreme, and you aren't getting much sleep either. You have run yourself ragged. If you don't stop you're going to kill yourself." Dalton didn't let his tone drop even if saying those words felt like a punch in the gut.

"Top."

"Jaz, don't try." Dalton quickly responded.

"It would take a doctor all of five seconds to tell you that you are anorexic. And if you'd like we can arrange for that to happen."

Dalton gave her an opportunity to speak. Jaz just stared back at him, she refused to look at the other three at the table. Her stomach was tumbling with anxiety, she felt like she might throw up. She could feel a cold sweat travel through her body. She couldn't quite grasp any of the thoughts tumbling through her head. She wanted to flea but knew she couldn't move. She realized there was a small bit of relief washing over her though. There was no more hiding, no more lying to her team, they saw right through her. It was bittersweet relief.

"I'm glad you're not denying it."

She simply averted her eyes, waiting for him to continue. The lack of resistance actually scared Dalton, he was used to her fighting him on everything. He glanced around at the three men at the table, he could tell her unresponsiveness made them nervous as well.

"You have two options and only two options. I can refer you to medical for an evaluation and they can decided the best course of action."

At that statement he saw the fire starting to burn in her eyes. She just might put up a fight.

"OR… We can fight this as a team and you can follow the plan we set up. If you choose the latter of the two you must follow our instructions. There won't be any fighting or resistance. You will do as we say and if you fall into non-compliance, option one will be the only choice and I'll send you to medical. It's your decision on which route you want to take."

Dalton could see the anger burning in her eyes and prepared himself for it to spill over.

"Decision? I don't need you guys babysitting me. I'm a grown ass woman. If you send me to medical I could lose my spot on this team! So exactly what decisions are you giving me because it sounds like an ultimatum." She spit out her words like venom.

"If you believe that medical will release you from your duties then maybe you do need some help." He deadpanned back.

"Medical won't look at all the facts. They'll see I'm a woman in the military who is on the thinner side and make their decisions from there. They'll just say that a woman couldn't cut it on an Omega team." She grew frustrated.

"And what are the facts Jaz? Please enlighten us." Dalton motioned to the team sitting around him.

"From what I see the facts are, you aren't eating enough, you aren't sleeping enough, and you are obsessed with working out. And we already know that you are sneaking out every night so don't try and pretend that you aren't."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine, I'll get more sleep and cut back on the workouts. That should make you happy."

"Jaz, it's beyond that. Honestly, I don't think you can fight this on your own anymore. It's not about making us happy. It's about you being healthy. And right now, you can't even see how bad it is. You are at a crossroads and if you don't get help now, it's going to be too late soon." Dalton spoke a little softer, showing his concern.

"I'm fine! I can prove to you I'm fine. This is ridiculous."

"You are not fine. If you would like I can walk you right over to medical and they can tell you how not fine you are." He threatened.

"So, I either have to play your silly game or be kicked off the team? Really?" She shot back in anger.

Dalton rose from his chair. He wanted her to see they were all willing to be there for her but if she wasn't willing to see it, he would rather lose her as a teammate than see her buried in the ground.

"This isn't a silly game. This is life or death Jaz. This is _my_ team and I'm going to make the decisions that are best for everyone involved. Now, would you like to hear more about option two?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" She bit back.

"There's always medical." He waited a few seconds before continuing.

"We're a team and we want to work through this as a team. McG will take point on all things medical. What he says goes, no questions. He will do a baseline evaluation today and make a game plan. If at any point McG thinks you need outside medical support, he will get it. Your life comes before your job. Do you understand?"

Jaz barley nodded.

"Based on McG's evaluation, Amir will be handling food management. You guys are going to work together to make meals that are well balanced and nutritional. You won't be on your no sugar or grains diet anymore, there are no compromises on this. How much, how often, and what you eat will be solely based on McG and Amir's plan." He saw the tears welling up in her eyes but continued to press on.

"The only time you will be exercising is with Preach or I. There are no more middle of the night runs or solo boxing adventures. If you want to go on so much as a walk, you are taking one of us. If we find out you are cheating on this at all, I will walk you right over to medical. I am not messing around with this."

Jaz just continued to stare at him, clearly not happy with his course of action.

"I have managed to get the next seven days off for us as a team. A little reward for all our hard work. We will be spending that seven days together. You will be with one of us 24/7 for that time."

Jaz started to scoff.

"Except for your showers and bathroom use, you will be with one of us at all times. If at any point, you decided you no longer want to comply or if you attempt to cheat the system, we will be done. We will reevaluate at the end of the seven days to determine the next course of action. Have I made myself clear?"

Jaz was feeling a mixture of defeat and anger. This was absolutely ridiculous. She wasn't a small child and she didn't think she needed to be babysat like one. She tried to come up with some reason to counter him, but she could come up with none. She was trapped and if she didn't obey, her job was on the line. She finally resigned to this being the only option.

"Yes. Crystal." She replied through clenched teeth.

"For the record, this blows." Jaz stood up trying to release all the tension that had built up in her body.

"Can I go take a shower now?" She was clearly wanting to leave the room.

"Yes, you are dismissed. McG will be following up with you once you're done." Dalton stated matter-of-factly.

Jaz turned and stormed out of the room. So much for a shower and a nap she thought to herself. Her mind was still trying to process what just happened. She felt taken off guard. Her team planned a fucking intervention and she didn't see it coming.


	11. Game Plan

Author's Note: Alright, here's a super long chapter! I'll be away from the internet the next few days and wanted to give you something a little extra. I did my best to get all the medical facts right, I have a bit of a background in this but since I am not a doctor I could have messed something up. I apologize in advance.

Thanks for the reviews and follows! You guys are seriously the best fandome. Don't worry we're going to see Jaz opening up in the coming chapters, you'll also get a little #Jalton interaction. I'll update in a few days.

* * *

Jaz stood under the warm water raining down on her, trying to let it wash away everything. She was emotionally and physically drained, not to mention she also had layers of dirt and blood caked on.

She winced as she scrubbed the dirt out of the abrasions on her arm. It actually looked pretty nasty and she wasn't sure how long she'd have before the team found out. Top was right about her face though. As soon as she got into the bathroom she took one look in the mirror and cringed. She did look awful. Her head still pounded, an additional reminder of the spill she took earlier. She hoped the shower would make her look and feel better than she did when she was in the other room.

Recalling the look on the faces of her guys made tears well up inside her eyes. Even as she was trying to protect them, she was hurting them. She had failed again. She let out a soft sob hoping the water would cover her cries. Once again everything was a mess and it was all her fault.

* * *

Once Jaz stormed out of the room, the team let out a sigh of relief. That actually had gone better than they hoped. Although Preach was quick to point out it didn't look like there was much fight left in her at the moment. They just prayed this next week would go smoothly and they wouldn't have to make decisions for Jaz that hurt her position on the team.

Dalton advised McG he should get his gear ready for Jaz's exam and to also check out the damage done to her face when she was finished with her shower. On the way back to grab his gear, he passed by the bathroom and heard her crying. It broke his heart to think she got to this place. Whatever demons were in her mind had to be pretty brutal to knock down a woman like Jaz. He just hoped the team would be able to provide enough support to get her back to where she needed to be.

McG set up his things in the little sleeping quarters room they had created. That room was usually reserved for the CO of the unit but Dalton liked to bunk with the rest of his team. Their team decided to use it as a sort of sick bay. Anytime someone got sick they were quarantined there until they were better. He decided it would be best to meet with Jaz there instead of at the bunks so she could have a little privacy. He wanted to leave a little dignity intact. He knew after his line of questioning and various tests she would feel a little of it stripped away.

Preach, Amir, and Dalton remained at the kitchen table. That conversation was the hardest one any of those men had to have. It was only three in the afternoon but they felt drained from the day's activities. They would wait there until McG came back with his assessment and then formulated their game plan. No one would truly know how bad it was until McG was able to provide some numbers.

* * *

Jaz finished in the bathroom. She had made herself as presentable as possible. She gathered her wet hair into a braid and slipped back on her jacket. She knew McG was going to examine the wound on her face but she didn't want him to see her arm. She took one last look in the mirror, sighed and walked out of the bathroom.

McG was waiting outside the bathroom door for her. He started to suspect she was taking her sweet time just to avoid the inevitable. He guided her to the small room and shut the door behind them. Jaz plopped down on the bed dreading whatever was coming next.

"Jaz, I'm just going to get some basic vitals right now." McG looked at her sympathetically.

"Fine." She replied emotionless.

"I'm going to need you to take off your jacket so I can get your blood pressure."

"Is that really necessary? Can't you take it with it on?"

"No Jaz, I can't. You know this."

"Fine." She was hoping to make it more than 60 seconds before he saw her arm, but she knew she wouldn't win the argument right now.

"Geezus Jaz." McG hissed as she pulled the jacket off her body.

Jaz rolled her eyes. "It's fine."

"That is not fine. Your entire arm is covered in road rash."

"Someone's a genius."

"Jaz. Look at me." McG locked eyes with her as she turned her gaze towards him.

"What exactly happened today?"

"I told you, I tripped."

"This isn't the sort of injury you see when someone trips. Your hands would have been cut up from trying to stop your fall, not your arm. So, try again what _really_ happened?"

Jaz let out a sigh. She wasn't going to win anything today. "Fine. I don't know what happened, I must have passed out or something. I was feeling a little dizzy and then this." She said as she pointed to her arm.

"I'm going to need to clean it out but first I'm going to examine your head. Have you felt any other dizziness? Do you have a headache?" He spoke softly as he shone his pen light into her pupils.

"Uh not really, I guess it comes and goes, but I can usually shake it off pretty quickly."

"Headache?"

"Yeah."

McG noticed her pupils were slow to react. He suspected part of her lack of a fight earlier was because she was suffering from a concussion and her thought process wasn't working right.

"Jaz, you have a concussion. You must have hit your head pretty hard. Do you know how long you were out for?"

"No. I imagine it couldn't have been long."

"Hmmmmm."

"It's fine."

"Can you please stop saying it's fine. It's not. It's not fine Jaz." He was trying not to show his frustration. She could have seriously injured herself.

The room fell into silence as McG tended to her wounds, cleaning them with an antibacterial and bandaging the deeper cuts with gauze. When he was finished taking care of her injuries from the day, he started his assessment of her overall health.

He took her temperature, Pulse Ox, heart rate, and blood pressure. He completed a test where he took her blood pressure laying down then had her stand up and he repeated the test. He listened to her heart and lungs writing down all his results. Jaz never inquired what any of his results were or what they meant. She seemed detached from it all.

"I'm going to take a few vials of blood and run a basic blood panel. Don't worry I can do it anonymously so no one will know it's yours." He informed her before she could protest.

She didn't even flinch when he drew her blood. He wished some of his male patients were as calm around needles as she was. It made the job a lot easier when your patient isn't squirming away.

He asked her a series of questions, partially gauging her reality verses the real world and partially for medical reasons. All her responses were clinical.

"How many hours of exercise to do you complete in a day?"

"Six."

"Do you ever feel like you can't catch your breath while your exercise?"

"Sometimes."

"How many meals do you consume in a day?"

"Two."

"How many calories on average do you consume in a day."

"800."

McG tried to keep his expression neutral at that answer. 800 calories isn't enough for a sedentary person, someone in Jaz's position needed at least four times that amount. He inwardly cringed at thought of her body being stuck in survival mode for so long.

"When was your last period?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? Can you give me a ballpark?"

"I guess it was on leave, maybe six or seven months ago. I didn't chalk it up to much, just stress." She shrugged.

It was hard to hear these answers from a person he loved so deeply. He had no idea how serious her health condition was. He hoped that they would be able to get her back to some sense of normal.

"Alright, I just need you to step on the scale for me."

Jaz complied with his request. This was the part she was dreading the most. This was the one piece of information she wanted to keep to herself. Jaz watched his face but it didn't register any emotion. He simply wrote down the number.

"OK Jaz, that is all I need for now. How's your head feeling right now? I can give you some aspirin if you need it."

"That would be nice. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world."

"I bet. How about you take a nap right here and I'll come check on you later." McG grabbed a few aspirin and handed them to her.

She swallowed them quickly and reached for the glass of water McG had grabbed for her earlier to wash them down.

"You don't need to check on me. I promise I'll come join you guys when I wake up."

"While I believe you would, you have a concussion so I'm going to need to wake you up every two hours to make sure you are doing ok. I have a feeling you might want a longer nap than two hours."

"Okay." She didn't put up a fight as she climbed under the covers. She was exhausted and just wanted to fall into a deep sleep.

"I'll be back in a couple hours. Get some rest." McG gently said as he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

He let out a sigh. He had to go share his results with the team and they weren't going to like what he had to say. He was still confident they would be able to help her but he didn't realize how bad it was. How could they have been so blind? How could they have let it get this far? He took a deep breath and walked towards the waiting men.

* * *

The three men looked expectantly at McG as he walked back into the room. The grim look he had on his face did not bode well with any of them. He sat down, took a deep breathe, and looked sincerely at the men sitting in front of him. He didn't want to share his finding with them, to see their hearts break a little more.

"It's serious." He paused, trying to find the right words.

"If she doesn't make drastic changes this week we're going to have to refer her to a specialist."

He could feel somberness take over the room. Dalton let out a sigh as he scrubbed his beard.

"I honestly don't know how she's made it this far. Her body has to be barely holding on. She's suffering from mild bradycardia, hypotension and orthostatic hypotension as well as amenorrhea. I still have to run a blood panel to see what else is going on."

He could see the medical terminology was going over their heads.

"Sorry, in laments terms. Her heart rate is low as well as her blood pressure. If she stands up too fast her blood pressure could suddenly drop which may result in her passing out. Speaking of passing out, she didn't fall on her run, she passed out. She has a severe case of road rash on her right arm as well as a grade 3 concussion."

Dalton dropped his head into his hands and Amir released his breath in frustration. Preach was the only one who remained calm. He was good at taking in information and processing it before reacting. The others wished they had that skill right now because they felt like they were free falling into a black hole, never knowing when they were going to hit rock bottom.

"We'll have to monitor her concussion closely. That combined with her other health problems is going to make it a slower recovery. I believe half the reason Jaz didn't put up much of a fight is because she couldn't completely process everything going on. I wouldn't be surprised if we see her lash out in anger and she comes to terms with what happened today."

Preach nodded, understanding this road was going to get harder before is started getting easier.

"Looking over her medical history, Jaz lost 10 pounds between the end of our last deployment and the start of this one. She's lost another 12 pounds in the four months she's been here. If she's going to pass her six-month physical she's going to need to gain another 8. That is probably going to be challenging."

He waited a moment to make sure there wasn't any questions before he continued.

"The key to her getting better is going to be mental. We all know Jaz keeps a pretty tight lid but we're going to need her to open up so we can help her figure out how we got here. Anorexia is a mental disorder and we're going to need to fight this in the battlefield of her mind. My best guess something from Tehran is sticking with her, but I honestly don't know what's been going on in her brain."

Dalton spoke up for the first time since McG started sharing their harsh reality.

"She been closed off since we started leave and we never pressured her to talk. _I_ never pressured her to talk. We need to provide that safe space and we need to push. We all know how standoffish she can be but we cannot let that be a deterrent. We need to show her she can trust us and we'll be there for her."

All three men nodded back at him in understanding.

"McG, what's the game plan for this week then?" Dalton inquired. He was prepared to treat this like a mission. Except this mission would be the most important one he would ever embark on. He needed her to know how much he cared for her, that he cared for her more than he probably should but he couldn't help it. Jaz was unlike any other woman he had ever met and he didn't want to ever lose her.

"We're going to have to increase her caloric intake. However, she's been surviving on very little so we need to be careful as we increase it. If we try to increase her intake too fast it could cause some serious health problems. I'm thinking we should start with 6 small meals around 300 calories each and we'll see how she tolerates that."

McG looked towards Amir.

"Amir, she's going to need those meals to be packed with nutrients. Lots of protein, some healthy fats, and carbohydrates. See what you can do to get her the biggest bang for the buck."

Amir nodded, the wheels already turning in his head coming up with different dishes to bring their sniper back to them.

"Remember we need to get her to open up, we need to find out the driving force behind her actions. She will push up, she will snap, be prepared to be a verbal punching bag, as well as a physical one considering this is Jaz we're talking about." He added with a dry laugh.

"Don't back down and DO NOT snap at her. We need to show her this is a safe place and we're here to listen. Don't be surprised if she's on an emotional rollercoaster. Her emotions will be bouncing everywhere and we need to be steady, the sense of peace in the storm."

He made eye contact with all three showing them how serious he was with his directions. McG paused on Dalton a little longer, knowing that Jaz was the only one who could send Dalton into an emotional tailspin.

"If at any point you think you might lose it, please excuse yourself from the room until you can get your emotions back into check." His eyes still lingering on Dalton.

"There will be absolutely no exercise this week. I want her heart rate and blood pressure to stabilize a bit first. She will fight you on this. Just be prepared. Does anyone have questions?"

All three men shook their heads.

"OK, Jaz is sleeping in the sick bay. I'll have to wake her up in about an hour to check on her concussion. I know it's still early in the evening but I think she'll be sleeping until tomorrow. We're going to need to take shifts waking her up through the night." McG added.

"McG, you can take watch until we go to bed, Amir you can take the first night shift, I'll take the middle, and Preach you can take the early morning." Dalton wanted to give his team the best opportunity to get rest. The three men nodded in agreement.

* * *

McG quietly walked into the sick bay. Jaz was in a deep sleep, probably the longest stretch of sleep she's had in months, and he hated the thought of waking her up. He kneeled beside her bed and gently shook her shoulder.

"Jaz, hey Jazzy. I need you to wake up for me."

He was met with a groan, one that symbolized pain not grogginess.

"Jaz, I just need to talk with you a second then you can go back to sleep."

"No." she barley whispered.

"Just give me a moment and I'll be gone." He gently prodded.

"My head fucking hurts and I need sleep. Go away." She replied irritatedly, her eyes remained closed.

"I bet it does, but the sooner you let me examine you the sooner I'll go away. See how that works?" He bantered back.

McG was pleased that her cognitive skills were still there but he needed to check her pupillary reaction. He turned on his pen light knowing that arguing with Jaz wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"Just open your eyes for me."

Jaz complied and was met with a bright light mere inches from her face.

"Oh god, could you at least warn a girl." She replied almost breathlessly and snapped her eyes shut.

"I haven't even shone it in your eyes yet, calm down."

Jaz opened her eyes again, hoping that McG would be quick. It felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to her head and an intense wave of nausea coursed through her body. She just needed sleep to take her back under, so she wouldn't feel the pain anymore.

McG shone the pen light in her eyes and asked her some simple questions. Her eyes were still sluggish to respond but she seemed coherent, so he wasn't too worried.

"Hey Jaz, do you mind sitting up for me."

She started to comply but then rolled over to the side of the bed moaning.

"Oh shit." She muttered as she grabbed the waste basket sitting on the floor and proceeded to throw up.

McG rubbed soothing circles on her back while holding the loose strands of hair away from her face. He waited till she was done retching and she collapsed back on the bed.

"Can I take a raincheck?" Her voice was hoarse.

McG chuckled a bit, even under these circumstances she still had the fire that made her Jaz.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. This concussion did a number on you and you'll be feeling like crap for a few days. We're going to be checking on you for every few hours throughout the night. Please don't bite off Amir's head during his shift." He finished, teasing her.

"Thanks McG." She replied tenderly before drifting off to sleep.

McG tucked the blankets back around her before leaving the room. Dalton was waiting outside wanting an update from McG. McG took one look at the man standing in front of him and knew what he wanted.

"She's fine, well she's as fine as you'd expect her to be."

"I heard her get sick, how is that fine?"

"She has a concussion, that is a side effect you know. You've had a few in your lifetime."

"Yes, but with everything else…" Dalton trailed off.

"She's cognitively responding well. We'll keep monitoring her but there's no additional reason to be worried. In fact, with the concussion she might put up a little less of a fight and that my friend will be to our advantage." He patted Dalton's shoulder and offered him an encouraging smile.

McG walked back to the kitchen table, he had some studying to do. He also decided to reach out to his friend back in the states. They went to medical school together and McG knew he worked at an eating disorder treatment facility. McG was determined to gather all the knowledge he possibly could to help give Jaz a fighting chance at beating this monster. He was going to help her through this, especially since he felt like he failed to help her before it got to this point.


	12. Space

Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took forever to update! Life hit me pretty hard this last week and with all the voting in The Brave polls, I couldn't get myself back here. Thanks for your patience and once again thanks for all your kind reviews. Enjoy!

* * *

Jaz sat curled up in the corner of the couch drinking coffee from her favorite mug. Her legs were tucked up with her mug resting on her knees. She curled her fingers around the mug, sapping up the heat it was radiating. She was tired, and her head was still bugging her but she was enjoying the quiet of the room.

She knew she'd have an hour or two before the team woke up and their daily routine started. It had only been three days since her team confronted her, but she was already needing space. It was daunting having every eye in the room on you at all times. Every action was scrutinized, and she felt like she was a zoo animal on display, poked and prodded, and questions flying at her every minute.

The lingering effects of her concussion had made everything worse. Her thoughts were jumbled, and she often couldn't give the answers she knew she should be giving. It was much harder to hold up a façade when you couldn't remember what it should look like. She knew emotions were showing on her face that normally wouldn't be there, but she was too worn out to care.

Jaz started to wonder if she was a bomb that exploded inside their little world. She could see the hurt and concern etched on every single one of her guy's faces. Oh, they tried to hide it, but their poker faces were even worse than hers. It made her hate herself even more. She was their protector and she was the one that just reeked new chaos into their lives.

She didn't know how she ended up where she was. She'd been mulling that over for the past three days. One day she was fine and the next day here she was, a disaster zone. Giving up the control of her food and her exercise regime had been harder than she thought. All she could think about was how she'd be getting weaker and slower. It was hard to fight that battle in her mind. Logically this shouldn't be a big deal but somehow the logical part of her brain was being overridden and it terrified her. This wasn't a simple fix and that scared her even more.

Jaz was relishing in the reprieve from her overbearing team. Yes, she was tired, but this quietness was soothing to her soul. She knew Amir would come bounding in the room first to prepare some sort of meal that he'd watch her eat. The stomach pains would come shortly after and she'd pretend everything was alright. She hated the look of pity and concern that riddled their faces these days. She wasn't a wounded animal, she was Jaz, strong and capable.

When the pain became unbearable she'd go take a nap hoping sleep would provide a little relief. After her nap it would start all over again, but she'd also be faced with Top trying to get her to talk and McG breathing down her neck. Preach seemed to be the only one to give her space, but even he would slip into his sage wisdom and encouragement routine.

Jaz thought she had about another hour to herself when she felt a presence enter the room. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Top. The way he moved, commanded the room, she always felt it before she saw him. This time though, she just wished he'd go away. Couldn't they give her some damn peace and quiet for once. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting there, drinking coffee. She didn't want to acknowledge his presence, so she steadfastly ignored him.

"Morning Jaz."

His voice was met with stone cold silence. She refused to walk into whatever trap he was setting so she just stared into her mug wishing he'd go away. Instead, he walked into her view and sat down on the coach next to her.

"You're up early."

She shot him a sideways look. Couldn't he tell she didn't want to talk.

"I could say the same to you." She bit back sarcastically.

"Come on Jaz, we haven't talked. Not _really_ talked." He sighed.

Jaz took another sip of her coffee and stared at the wall in front of her. She could feel the anger boiling up inside her. Her team was micromanaging her life and while she didn't have much of a choice at the moment, she just wanted a little time to sort things out herself. How was she supposed to do that if she never had time to think?

"Jaz."

Dalton's voice brought her out of her revere and back into the space. She didn't know what to say to him, what to say to any of them. Jaz snapped her head to look at him. Her chocolate brown eyes piercing him. She could tell she caught him off guard. He just sat there looking back at her, trying to read her mind.

Jaz scoffed as she saw him staring her down. She couldn't read her own mind so how did he think he'd be able to do it.

"Jaz _talk_ to me." Dalton pleaded as he searched her eyes, hoping she'd reveal something to him, anything.

Jaz continued to stare back, clenching her jaw. Her world was spinning around in chaos and she was trying to grasp at any sense of normalcy and hadn't found a single straw. She didn't have it in her to give Top what he wanted, she knew he was looking for reassurance or an explanation, but she couldn't provide either. She was tired and trying to sort through all the thoughts in her head.

"Jaz" He said again more firmly. He was hoping by pushing a little that a crack in her armor would show and she'd let down her wall a bit. Instead he was met with fury and he saw her eyes light up in anger.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jaz stood up in a jolt. Moving in front of Top within a millisecond. Her jaw was set, and she clutched the mug in her hand a little too tightly.

"Seriously Top!" Her voice was loud but steady.

"If I had something to say to you, don't you think I'd say it by now? I just wanted a few moments to myself this morning. Just a little peace and quiet. But no, you couldn't help but want to prod your way in. You all have been on top of me for the last three days. I can't even breathe without one of you noticing."

Jaz took a deep breath. She could see the creases forming on Dalton's face as he tried to process her words and prepare a response, but she wasn't finished with him yet.

"I have zero space to myself and it's stifling. I need to process my own thoughts but how can I do that if you don't give me time to think? I'm not a fragile china doll that is going to break if dropped. All of you have been walking on egg shells around me and I just want to scream." Her voice started to rise.

"I don't have answers for you. I've been doing every little thing you've asked me to do. I have nothing left to give. I haven't put up a fight with any of your rules and regulations. It's like I'm a fucking dog, listening to your every command about every single action in my life. God forbid I want to have a moment to myself. No, you must come and poke at me and dissect me. I'm a human being, and I just need a couple moments to myself every once in a while." By this point Jaz was yelling at him.

She didn't see the rest of the team come into the room to check on the commotion. They stood in the background, watching her release her anger on Top.

"Do you think it's possible to leave me alone for once? Maybe even let me get some fresh air by myself? I won't walk myself to death." She added angerly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Jaz" Dalton attempted to interject.

"Yeah, yeah, I can't even fucking take a walk. Trapped. I'm a fucking trapped animal. I just need to not see your face for a while. I need to be alone. This is not a request. This is me telling you how it is going to be. Give me my space. I'll come find you if I have something to say." She finished and turned to storm out of the quonset hut when she caught the three men standing there staring at her.

"Don't even." She stated sharply.

Jaz quickly walked past them and slammed the door shut as she left them in stunned silence.

Dalton moved to follow her and try to talk her of the ledge.

"Let her be." The strong, steady voice of Preach caught him off guard.

"Give her some space." He added.

Dalton stared at the door debating whether or not to listen to Preach's advice. He sighed and resigned to the fact that nothing good would come from him chasing after her. He turned and looked at the men in front of him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think we would wake you." He spoke apologetically.

"Don't be. That's the most emotion we've seen out of her in three days. At least she's allowing herself to feel something." Preach reassured.

"We could give her a bit more space, she is following all of our orders and I've been impressed with the gains she's made in just a couple days." McG added.

"It might also get her to open up a bit more, if we show her that we trust her." Amir chimed in.

Dalton nodded in agreement. They all made good points, but he was afraid that if Jaz didn't start opening up, they weren't going to get anywhere with her.

"How long do we give her?" Dalton asked still concerned.

"She'll come back when she's cooled off. We're her family, we're her home." Preach responded.

The men decided to busy themselves until Jaz returned. They were all very much awake now, so they might as well get a start on the day. Dalton moved to his desk to work on paperwork, while McG and Preach decided to spar for a bit. Amir wanted to try a new dish out on the team, so he headed to his favorite place, the kitchen, while he processed the morning interactions.


	13. Release

Authors Note: Thank you all for being so sweet and amazing! I'm sorry these updates are a bit slow. Life's hit me pretty hard recently and it's getting tough to get the content out. I'm working on it so thanks for the patience! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Jaz expected Top to follow her outside but was pleasantly surprised when she didn't hear any footsteps following her. What she wouldn't do to hit the trail to go on a run right now. She wanted to clear her mind, and nothing worked better than the steady rhythm of her feet hitting the ground. Instead she collapsed into a chair by their firepit, it was around the corner from the entrance to the quonset hut so she at least had momentary privacy.

No sooner than she sat down did a wave of emotions hit her. Unable to stop it, the tears started flowing freely. Soon those tears turned into full on sobs. She had never felt so broken, so lost in her entire life. Even when she was abused as a child she never felt like this. Jaz knew she didn't want to fight with Top but all the frustration that built up over the last few days spilled over in that moment.

Her mind was a mess and the inability to sort through the last year drove her crazy. As she sat there crying out all her pain she tried to piece everything together. She wasn't weak, she knew that. She had survived so much in her life. She is strong, is a soldier but there was a part of her that thought she'd never measure up.

Her father had told her she was worthless from a young age. His words laid the foundation of lies in her mind that she would only cause problems for anyone who was a part of her life. Were her guys forced to deal with her? Did they only rescue her in Tehran because she was a problem to be solved? Are they only rescuing her from herself right now for that same reason?

Somewhere in her mind, she knew that was a lie. Somewhere in there she knew she was an asset, that she earned her place on this team. But the voices of failure were drowning them out. She felt spent, ready to give it all up. As much as she just wanted to tell her team the confusion taking over her brain, she feared their response. What if they realized she was a fraud? What if they determined that she was too much to deal with and they didn't want to mess with her anymore? Or even worse, what if they decided she was no longer the best person to protect them?

Jaz's fear of rejection had kept her paralyzed. She was unraveling and the ends of her were fraying. The tears kept pouring out even when she thought she didn't have any left. She had never been one to cry, crying was for the weak. This state of brokenness and tears was completely foreign to her. Even when Elijah died she hadn't shed this many tears.

She started feeling angry at herself for crying so much but at the same time it was such a sweet release. As the tears started to flow a little less, she tried to compose herself. Someone would come out looking for her shortly and she didn't want them to see her in this state. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out her, but the sun was fully up, so she thought it must have been at least an hour.

After a few more minutes the trail of tears stopped, and she dried the tracks they left running down her face. Jaz didn't need to look in the mirror to know her eyes were puffy and swollen. There wouldn't be any way to hide this from her team. She groaned internally at the thought of walking back into their home to face them. They were probably all sitting around the table waiting for her. They'd taken a liking to that formation over the last few days.

She sighed as she stood. In that moment she realized how much of a headache she had. Crying always caused an intense headache which was another reason she hated it so much. Burning eyes, a headache, and a tiredness that seeped into her bones over took her thoughts. Man, all she wanted was to find her bed and collapse into it for a few hours. She needed some quality rest as Amir would call it.

As she approached the door to the hut she started to dread the thought of what awaited her inside. She didn't want another confrontation or worried eyes staring back at her. She took a deep breath and walked through the threshold.

No sooner than she walked into the room did it fall into silence. Sure enough, four sets of eyes were watching her, waiting for the next move. _Might as well get this over with_ she thought to herself.

Jaz looked at the men sitting at the table. "I'm tired, I'm going to take a nap." She stated.

"Jaz, you need to eat breakfast." Amir advised as he grabbed a plate off the counter.

"I know, but I'm not hungry right now. I just need some sleep." She almost pleaded.

It was obvious to the men in the room that she had been crying, quite forcefully it seemed.

McG took pity on her, he could tell she was attempting to process everything going on and the fact that she had been crying was actually a good sign to him. He'd known Jaz long enough to know she doesn't cry. If she was in the state she was, he knew she was breaking down the walls within her own mind and actually allowing herself to feel emotions.

"It's ok. Take a nap and you can eat when you wake up." McG offered encouragingly.

"Thanks." Jaz barely whispered.

She turned and walked to the bunks. No sooner than her head hitting the pillow did she fall into a deep and dreamless sleep. The exhaustion took over and she surrendered herself to it in a sweet release.

* * *

Jaz woke feeling refreshed. She had no idea how long she had been sleeping but it was the most rested she felt in recent memory. She stretched out her muscles as she shook off the final bits of sleep. Her stomach grumbled and she realized how hungry she was.

She chuckled to herself a bit. How ironic that her first thoughts waking up were those of hunger. She climbed out of bed and padded into their living area. She was hoping there was food ready to eat and she wouldn't have to wait for Amir to make some sort of concoction.

"I'm starving, what do we have to eat?" she asked as she entered the room.

Top and McG stopped the conversation they were having and started at her for a moment. They were trying to process if they heard her correctly.

"Did you guys forget how to speak?" she quipped at them when they didn't respond.

"I need food. What do we have?" she asked again as she made her way to the fridge.

"Oh yeah, uh, there's some ground beef in the fridge to make tacos." McG said as he jumped out of his chair and headed in her direction.

"There's also some protein shakes in the fridge if you want something immediately." He added.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe I'll have a protein shake then make a taco or two." She replied as she reached into the fridge and pulled out one of the premade shakes Amir had made to have on hand.

McG stared at her a little longer than he wanted to, trying to mask how proud he was of her. This was the first time she'd initiated a meal since their intervention.

Jaz plopped down on the kitchen table and started drinking the shake she grabbed from the fridge while McG moved around the kitchen to make her a taco. Things almost felt normal for a moment.

"What're you guys up to?" Jaz inquired nonchalantly.

McG and Dalton exchanged looks at each other, not sure how to process the scene in front of them. Finally Dalton spoke up.

"We were just having a little friendly debate about the best RPG."

"Oh that's easy, it's The Division. Hands down." she stated as she finished her shake.

Jaz ate her taco in silence as Dalton and McG were assessing the situation in front of them. As soon as she finished eating, Jaz hopped off the table and put her dish in the sink.

"I'm going to take a shower and I'll be back out later."

Jaz turned and left the room leaving the guys stunned.

"What was that?" Dalton asked with a little panic in his voice.

"I don't know. That was a glimpse of the Jaz we used to know, the Jaz before this deployment."

"Yeah, I know. But where did she come from?"

"I think that emotional release this morning did her some good."

"Uh, yeah."

"Hey Top, you need to remember that the recovery process is not linear. Things could get rough before they get better. She isn't going to wake up from a nap one day and everything is back to normal."

"Uh huh." Dalton barely responded. He had a grin plastered on his face, lost in the thought of what he just witnessed. Jaz was coming back to them and life would return to normal.

Little did he know of the storms up ahead. If only he'd be able to prepare himself for the war they were going to face. He wouldn't be smiling when everything came crashing down.


	14. Bullseye

As Jaz let the heat of the shower water soak into her bones, she let the emotions of the day wash over her. Her mind was still a mess and all she could do was think about how she needed to be better for her guys. They were _her guys_ and she kept letting them down. It wasn't like she was restricting her food to lose weight. Weight loss was never her goal, protecting her guys was. She needed to better for them and all she was doing was hurting them. If eating more meant they were less stressed, then that is what she needed to do.

Jaz finished her shower and getting ready for the day. She scoffed at the idea of getting ready at 11am but that is how today rolled. Early morning fight with Top, cry session outside, nap, and finally making something of the day. Jaz felt stir crazy and all she could think about was a run. Maybe she could convince Top to go to the range with her. It wasn't a run but at least she would feel useful.

Jaz walked back into the living space to see Top in front of his computer with a mound of paperwork. There was little chance she was convincing him to go to the range right now and waiting for him to finish wasn't an option right now. Maybe she could convince McG to go with her instead.

"Hey Top, where's McG?"

Top spun around in his chair happy to see his favorite sniper in a good mood. Maybe things really were turning around and McG didn't know what he was talking about.

"He went to the commissary with Preach. Why? What's up?"

Jaz's face dropped. "I was hoping he'd hit the range up with me. It looks like you've got a lot on your plate." She said as she pointed to the pile on his desk.

Top turned to look at his work and back at Jaz. "Yeah, I really need to get this done and submitted now. Give me a couple hours and I can go with you." He replied dejected.

"I'd like to go now." She was getting a bit antsy and just wanted to calm her mind.

Amir walked into the room at the tail end of the conversation. "I'll go with you, Jaz." Amir quickly interjected. "I could use the practice and advice from an expert like you."

Jaz's face broke out into a huge smile at the sound of Amir's offer. "I'm going to round up a few guns in the cage. Come grab me when you're ready." Jaz said as she hurried off to the back of the hut.

Top exchanged a meaningful look with Amir. This was the Jaz he knew was hiding underneath and Top felt like everything in his world was starting to right.

* * *

At the range, Jaz was laser focused. She hadn't missed a single shot and she could feel the sheer joy coursing through her veins. She never felt more like herself than with her rifle in her hand. Her mind was clear and she was home.

Amir stood in amazement. Even with everything going on in her life, Jaz still managed to out shoot everyone at the range just by being herself. He didn't trust anyone more to watch his six than the spit-fire standing in front of him. His only concern was that she wouldn't admit her weakness and things could lead to a dangerous place.

"Having fun, Jaz?" Amir attempted to pull Jaz out of her reverie.

"Uh huh." Jaz mustered from behind her scope.

Everything slowed for Jaz. She let the world fall away and synced her breathing to the rhythm of her heart. She only saw the target through her scope and only felt the wind blowing her hair. This is what made her feel whole.

A second later she squeezed the trigger and the sound of her gun discharging filled the air. A 700 meter shot executed perfectly. The smile the spread across her face couldn't be contained.

"Jaz, you continue to amaze me. That was a ridiculous shot."

Jaz stood up and looked gratefully at Amir. "Thanks. There's nothing better than nailing a shot." She smiled wider.

"Ready to pack it up and head back? I've got some delicious ideas for the afternoon meals."

Jaz's smile faded a bit but she was quick to recover. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Just let me pack these bad boys up."

Amir and Jaz walked back to the hut in silence. She was lost somewhere in her mind he could only imagine and he didn't want to interrupt whatever thought process was going on. There was something changing inside her and although he had doubts when McG and Top told them about their earlier encounter with her, he was starting to believe it himself.

* * *

All five team members sat around the table joking and eating. With Jaz's six smaller meals, it gave the guys extra opportunities to eat themselves and none of them wanted to turn that down. It also helped them feel like they were all in this together. McG was in the middle of an outlandish story about his outing with Preach. Preach just sat back shaking his head, refusing to add fuel to the fire. Everything was right in their world and each one of them momentarily allowed themselves to forget the heaviness they were in the middle of. They let the pain of the last year simply fade from their minds for a few minutes.

"Alright, I could let McG go on and on all afternoon but we've got work to do." Top stood up, commanding the room.

"Jaz, I'm going to give you that alone time you've so desperately wanted." Top looked at Jaz seriously. "The guys and I are going to head to the training ground to work some drills and I'm trusting you to stay here and do nothing." He added sternly, almost daring her to cross the line.

"Absolutely nothing. Scouts honor." Jaz replied back saluting him. She couldn't help but crack a smile as Preach and McG busted out laughing.

"Ha ha very funny. I am serious though. You still have 4 days left to prove to me that you are serious about staying on this team and if I find out that you've broken any of my ground rules, you are heading straight to medical. There aren't any second chances with this one."

"I understand." Jaz responded trying to keep the annoyance out of her tone.

"Good."

Top turned his attention back to the others. "You have 30 minutes to clean up, change, and be ready to leave for training." All three men quickly got up and started moving.

After the guys left, Jaz found herself wandering to the training area. What she wouldn't give to go a few rounds with the punching bag. She was missing the control she had gained over her life in the last few months and just wanted some of it back. But she knew that staying on this team meant more than anything else, especially since she didn't trust anyone else to watch over them. She needed to be their sniper, not anyone else.

Jaz reasoned with herself that this week was just like any other part of being in the military. There were orders handed down and rules to follow. Just like basic training was there to push you to your breaking point and rebuild you, she was going to use this week in the same way. It was a military game and she planned on excelling at it.

If she focused on her sniper skills and focused on building up her language repertoire, she could return to focusing on strength and endurance when she was allowed to exercise again. Plus gaining the 8 pounds needed wasn't going to hurt physical fitness. She would gain the weight but then find a way to turn it into muscle. If the weight is what they needed she'd make sure it was going to be of value to the team. She had it all planned out and she was going to be the best solider and she played her own long game. She never wanted to let her guys down again, in any way.


	15. Perfect Soldier

Thanks for the reviews! I know it's been a very long time but I finally got around to finishing this story. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!

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* * *

Adam felt the weight of the decisions he was about to make. The team was his to command and he needed to make the best decisions for everyone. They cannot complete their high-risk missions if they didn't work together as one. They had to be able to trust each other and not worry about one of them completing their duties.

He thought back over the last 18 months and every little thing that lead to this point. Was he the leader he wanted to be? He had doubts but he had been working his butt off to prove to himself and others that he had everything under control. This had been the most successful deployment he's ever been a part of. The chain of command was taking notice and the opportunity for a promotion in the future. He did have to wonder though, at what cost was this achievement?

Adam knew that he could attribute a great deal of their success to the accuracy of his sniper. She was making their jobs easier. She was operating on a different level and if she keeps it up she would have a bright future. The bigger question remained though. Is this newer version of Jaz worth the cost? What was going on in her brain to land her where she is?

Over the last 7 days she has done absolutely everything he's asked of her. Yes, there was the one blow up at day 3 but besides that she has been a model soldier. Almost too good. He was seeing his Jaz again but there was still something off. He didn't know if he was imagining things and just thinking the other shoe is about to drop or if she really processed her thoughts and realized her actions were harmful to herself. McG couldn't find anything to fault her with either. Was Top really looking for an excuse to bench her? Was it his fear of losing her like he almost did in Tehran?

McG was actually impressed with how well Jaz had been doing. He even told Top that maybe they had pegged the situation incorrectly. She had managed to gain almost 4 pounds back. She needed at least 4 more to pass her physical next month but he had faith she was going to be able to accomplish that. Her blood work had come back just a little below the normal range but nothing of concern. McG was even impressed with how well she had been engaging with the team.

If everything looked so good, then why was this decision so difficult? He should have been able to pull the trigger and tell Jaz they were going to keep proceeding forward. Top had to make more difficult decisions out in the field and none of them felt as hard as this. Maybe the thing that bugged him the most was he still couldn't get Jaz to talk to him. He had tried everything, and she still seemed so closed off.

Top just wanted to know the why behind her actions. He could get behind her and believe her if he just knew how she got here in the first place. What was going on in his sniper's head. Was there something she was hiding, or did she simply lose perspective? And if she did lose perspective, what caused it? He didn't want her to let things get bad again.

Top decided he couldn't dwell in his own mind any longer. He needed to do something, anything, to get his mind off this.

"We're having a BBQ tonight." Top stood up and broke the silence of the room.

Jaz looked up from the book she was reading. "Uh, ok. Thanks for the announcement."

Amir stopped chopping the vegetables in front of him. "I'm guessing this is no longer needed for dinner." He added a little perturbed.

"This is our last night before we're on call again and you know the SAT phone is going to be ringing first thing in the morning. Patricia has kept the vultures away for the last week but come tomorrow the #1 Omega team is going to be the top of everyone's list again. We are lucky we managed to keep this entire week off." Top spoke carefully, not wanting to indicate to Jaz any decision he might have made.

"Who wants to go into town to pick up supplies with me?" Top added.

Jaz looked at Amir and then back to Top. "I'm fine right where I'm at. I'm in a thrilling lesson on Russian, and we all know I need to brush up on those skills."

Jaz really didn't want alone time with Top. She knew he would prod at her again and she just wasn't in the mood for it. No, she'd prefer to study up on her Russian for the next time they found themselves needing it on a mission.

Amir sighed. "Well since obviously I'm the only one left with Preach and McG nowhere to be found. Conveniently." He added the last part sarcastically.

Top grinned and walked over to Amir slapping him on the back. "We're gonna have fun don't you worry."

Amir rolled his eyes and he put away the food he was preparing. "You know Top, next time you might want to share your great ideas BEFORE I start the food prep."

"Nah, I like to keep you on your toes." Top smiled.

Jaz just shook her head and returned her attention to the book. "You boys have fun. I'm just going to sit here in the comfort of our own home."

Top and Amir walked out of the hut leaving Jaz to enjoy a bit of alone time. Something that was rare for her these days.

* * *

Top took his usual spot at the helm of the grill while the rest of the team hung out nearby. Once again Amir found himself in a game of horseshoes against McG. Preach had just finished up a call home to his girls and made his way over to Jaz, who was lounging in a chair watching all the action.

"It's good to see you smile."

"I smile!" Jaz responded offended.

"You know what I mean. We've all missed it lately and it's nice to see it without coercion."

Jaz glared at the older man. She always felt like he was her big brother and couldn't imagine her life without him. The memories of how they almost lost him sent a shiver down her spine. Her life wouldn't be complete without each of them.

"I'm just glad you're around to see it." Jaz stated as she tried to keep the sadness from her voice.

Preach nudged her. "Now don't be getting all sad on me here. I came over to pay you a compliment, not to get sucked into the what could have beens."

Jaz smiled back, knowing that's what he wanted and she was met with Preach's laughter.

"You know he's been worried about you." Preach nodded in Top's general direction.

Jaz pretended she didn't hear him.

"You two have always been close. He trusts you to have his six and right now he's feeling like you don't trust him to have yours."

"Of course I trust him." Jaz defended.

"I'm sure you trust him on the field. But do you trust him when it comes to the rest of your life?" Preached paused before continuing.

"All he's wanted is for you to open up to him, to talk to him. He wants to be there for you like he is on missions. He values you and you can't deny there's a connection."

Jaz started to scoff.

"Ah ah. Don't try to lie to me. Jaz, I know not everything is ok and I honestly think this has nothing to do with weight or controlling your food. I believe you have something else going on. Something you're not ready to share with us. And although I'd love for you to open up and share what has been troubling you, you should at least be talking to Top. He's your captain and he will fight for you more than you possibly could even know."

Preach let his words linger.

"We love you. We really do love you. I know it's not something you've heard a lot in your life and maybe it's not something you believe. But let me tell you this, we would all drop everything for you. Top, well Top would be willing to sacrifice his life for yours. That is the greatest love one could give. To lay down his life for another."

Jaz tried to look away. She didn't want to hear this from Preach. She knew Top would sacrifice his life. Heck he almost did in Tehran. But didn't Preach know she wasn't worth it. Couldn't someone see that Top was so much more valuable than her?

"Jaz just let that sink in a bit. If he thinks you're worth it, don't you think it's worth giving him a shot? Talk to him. He's on your side."

Preach gently patted her on the shoulder as he stood up and walked over to the horseshoe pit. He knew she needed to marinate on that conversation, and he wasn't going to risk stepping too far over the line.

Jaz looked over a Top. He seemed so happy with a beer in his hand his eyes constantly scanning over his team. She didn't want to burden his world. She didn't want him to think she was weak. If he knew the demons in her mind, she knew for sure he'd walk away. She needed to protect him, especially from herself.


End file.
